


Happily Ever After

by edupunkn00b



Series: Logan, Janus, Roman, Remus [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Good Friend, Divorce, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, Logan Sanders needs to figure some stuff out, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is Anxiety | Virgil Sanders' Parent, Logic | Logan Sanders is Morality | Patton Sanders' Parent, Logic | Logan Sanders is Sleep | Remy Sanders' Parent, M/M, Past Abuse, Slow Burn, non-graphic description of hospital, non-graphic description of suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29477166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edupunkn00b/pseuds/edupunkn00b
Summary: Logan Sanders thought he had secured a fairy tale ending when he married Kelly Croft, mother to his first child. Perhaps Logan should have spentlesstime in the non-fiction sections and more time readingactualfairy tales.Has he truly lost his chance for a happily ever after or were the first twenty years of his adulthood just the prologue to the real fairy tale?
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: Logan, Janus, Roman, Remus [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2184312
Comments: 120
Kudos: 110





	1. Once Upon A Time

Logan sat at the kitchen table, a now-tepid mug of coffee at his elbow. He stared at the document open on his laptop.

> **Superior Court of Washington, County of King**

> In re the marriage of
> 
>   
> _Petitioner:_  
>  KELLY JESSICA CROFT
> 
>   
> _And Respondent:_  
>  LOGAN SANDERS CROFT
> 
> **Summons:**
> 
> **Notice about a Marriage or Domestic Partnership**
> 
> **To the Respondent:** Your spouse/domestic partner (the Petitioner) started a case asking the court (check one):
> 
> [x] To end your marriage.

...

Logan had read the document and its many (many) attachments five times now. He was partway through a sixth reading when the doorbell rang. Logan's brow furrowed as he glanced at the time on the screen. Far too early for Remy to be home from his trip with Emile. Virgil and Patton weren't due back from Kelly's place until tomorrow. With a sigh (and, perhaps, more than a little relief), Logan stood and made his way to the front door.

"Oh, Loooow-gan," a voice sing-songed from the other side of the door and the doorbell rang again. "Knock, knock ... I know you're home ... your van is in the driveway and your lights are on." Logan closed his eyes and didn't even try to fight the small twitch of a smile at the familiar voice.

"Janus, it's not like you to drop by unannounced," Logan's voice was a little rough. _Is this the first I've spoken out loud today?,_ he wondered as he turned the locks. Logan opened the door and smiled at the man standing on his doorstep, one hand reaching for the doorbell to ring for a third time, the other holding a bag from Downpour Coffee. "I could have been in the shower, you know."

Janus raised an eyebrow and smirked as he sidled past Logan into the foyer. "Right," he nodded in mock agreement. "It's already," he paused as he checked the time on his wrist, "just after 11:30 in the morning. The day Logan Sanders isn't showered, shaved, and dressed by this _scandalously_ late hour is the day I - " Janus abruptly stopped his playful rant when he noticed how Logan's face paled and his entire body seemed to seize up at the mention of his last name. Janus narrowed his eyes a bit as he looked closer at his friend. Logan's hair was mussed and while he'd clearly put effort into his clothing this morning, his tie was askew and he'd missed a loop on his slacks. Janus placed a gentle hand on Logan's shoulder, holding up the bag of coffee and treats. "Let's talk."

Nodding, Logan led Janus back to the kitchen table where his laptop sat open, divorce papers clearly visible on the screen. "Oh, Lo, " Janus sighed. "C'mon, let's sit down." Janus pushed the laptop a bit further back on the table and started unpacking coffee cups, pastries, and creamer from his bag. He looked back at Logan and pointedly eyed the chair adjacent to his own. Janus smiled gently at him as he finally sat down, reaching for one of the to-go cups. Logan closed his eyes briefly as he appreciated the warmth emanating from the cup.

"You don't have to do this alone, Lo," Janus began. "I'm a lawyer, I can help."

Logan ran his hand over his face and sighed. "I know, Jan. I know. So am I." He met Janus' eyes and smiled slightly. "I just," he looked down at the cup in his hands. "I ... I needed to read through the petition on my own first. In case I - " Logan's voice cracked. He didn't try to continue, just looked down and took a sip of the - blessedly - still hot coffee.

Janus placed a hand over Logan's. "Lo, you know as well as I that it's normal to grieve the loss of a marriage. Even - " Janus stopped himself before he could finish that sentence. _"Even one as toxic and abusive as yours was."_ Janus met Logan's eyes again. "It's okay to have feelings about this, Lo."

Logan sat for a while, sipping his coffee and watching Janus prepare his own. Janus remained quiet by his side. They'd known each other since law school and been best friends by the time they both joined [QLaw.](https://q-law.org/) Janus knew there was no rushing Logan on this topic.

Logan stood to throw away his empty coffee cup and to empty his old cold mug. He looked up at Janus, wordlessly asking if he had finished his coffee. Janus smiled and handed him his empty cup, as well. Logan took his time throwing away trash, rinsing the mug and placing it in the dishwasher. Still not enough to run yet. He pulled out a kettle, filled it with cold water and set it to boil. "Tea?" he called over to Janus.

"Yes, please." Janus smiled again. Tea meant talking. "That chai, if you have it." Logan hummed in response, nodding and taking down the tin of chai blend.

Chai would take longer to prepare, however Janus' antics at the door were only performative impatience. They both knew that Janus could outlast the universe waiting for Logan to open up. They also both knew that Logan needed that time. After several more minutes, Logan returned with their tea and sat down with a heavy sigh.

Logan touched the trackpad on his computer to wake up the screen, entered the password and turned the screen so both could see it. He took a deep breath. "Kelly's lawyer sent me the papers to sign. A few clicks, three months' waiting period, and we're di- " Logan crushed his eyes closed and tried again. "No longer married." Logan fought the lump forming in his throat and gulped some of the scaling tea. Janus moved his chair a bit closer to Logan's but remained silent. "I just feel like ... " Logan sighed, rubbing a hand roughly over his lips, tears finally forcing their way to his eyes. "I feel like I've failed them." Logan looked up at Janus and finally met his eyes. Janus could see years' worth of tears building in Logan's eyes and suppressed the mental image of himself nudging Kelly toward a flight of stairs.

"Failed who? The boys?" Janus finally asked. Logan pressed his lips together and nodded. He looked down at his hands before he continued.

"For my entire adult life, every single choice, every step, every decision I've made was carefully planned and considered to give my sons a better life than I had. To give them that fairy tale family - a loving mom and dad, a nice house in the suburbs, good schools ... I wanted to give them so much more than what I had." Logan looked up again at Janus, tears falling. "And it was meant to be a fairy tale for me, too. The moment Kelly told me about Remy ... I thought ... " Logan stopped, pressing a hand to his mouth, breathing in and out a few times, swallowing back a sob. "I thought that I was being given a chance to live that Prince Charming life, too."

Suddenly, Logan looked up at Janus, eyes wide. "I mean, I know so much better now, I've learned how all that hetero-normative bullshit that was forced into me as a kid ... I don't mean that yours and Roman's marriage -"

Janus smiled and took Logan's hand. "I know, Lo. I know. You personally helped draft part of the law that let us get married in Washington. You've come a long way, baby." Logan chuckled a bit at the joke and sniffed, reaching for a tissue to scrub at his eyes."Your attempts to secure your ally card, though, are pulling us away from the topic at hand." Logan's eyes grew guarded. Janus continued, undeterred. "You haven't failed your sons, Logan. You're saving them."

Logan's jaw clenched and he drew his lips into a tight line. Janus noted his friend's expression and further softened his tone. He reached out to grasp one of Logan's hands. "Lo, I know how bad things were getting when you and Kelly were still together. You couldn't keep - " Janus swallowed and looked down to give himself a moment to control his voice and his words. "Kelly was getting out of control. She'd already hurt Remy when he tried to stop her from hurting you ... it was only a matter of time before Virgil or Patton started trying to step in, too."

Logan would not meet Janus' eyes. His face burned in shame. Janus gently reached over and lifted Logan's chin before he spoke again. "And before you even begin to think that you should have just tried harder to hide what she was doing to you," Logan's eyes widened _"How does he always know what I'm thinking?"_ Janus smiled slightly, "Because I'm your best friend, that's how." Janus continued, "Before you even begin to think that you should have tried harder to hide it or somehow prevented them from trying to intervene, know that your boys _love you_ and even if _they_ were never in physical danger, they want you to be happy and safe. It's the wrong kind of fairy tale if you're not."

Logan's hands made fists in his lap and his jaw clenched. "But what kind of _father_ needs his sons to defend him?" he growled through gritted teeth. Janus carefully held Logan's hands, gently prying the fingers apart so he'd stop digging his nails into his palms.

"Tell me, Lo, how many years have we worked together at QLaw?" he asked quietly.

Logan answered automatically, "Fifteen years, this June."

Janus nodded, knowing and expecting such a precise answer from his friend. "And how many pro bono domestic violence cases have we taken on?" Janus, frankly, had lost count. Without waiting for Logan to answer, he held up a hand and went on, "and of those cases, were every single one of them an instance of a husband abusing a wife?"

Logan turned away, perching his elbows on the table, head in his hands. "You know, I'm not blameless. I lied. I kept things from Kelly. I opened a secret bank account. I rented a storage room, and started moving photos and documents into it. I signed the lease on this house before I even told her that Remy and I were moving out. I even told her it was just a temporary separation. I - "

Janus cut him off before he could spiral further, carefully tugging away hands which were starting to pull at his hair. "Lo, you did what you had to in order to survive, in order to keep your boys safe. A safety plan in response to escalating abuse is the _right thing to do_. You did the right thing, Lo." Janus voice was quiet again. "You got out. You got Remy out, too. And you've got a safe space and a plan in place in case ..."

With a deep sigh, Logan finished his sentence. "In case Kelly does anything stupid before Virgil and Patton turn 18 and can decide for themselves where they want to live."

Janus gently squeezed Logan's hands. Logan met his eyes. "Lo, you're not alone in this." Logan nodded a bit and let out another sigh.

"Thank you, Jan."

They sat together for a few minutes before Janus gestured at the laptop with his chin. "How about I take a look at the petition for you one more time before you sign it?"

Logan stared at the screen until the words **[x] To end your marriage.** glowed with the aura of an afterimage. He closed his eyes and nodded, "I'd really like that. Thanks, Janus. I'll just ... I'll clean up." Logan stood, gathering together their empty tea cups and the bag from Downpour. "There are open tabs with the kids' projected school schedules and holiday calendars out to when Patton turns 18 in case you need it for - "

"For the parenting plan, yes Lo, you trained me well." Janus grinned up at Logan and was pleased to see the ghost of a smile breaking through on his face. "I've got this." Janus got to work, opening up another tab to their shared Evernote. "Say, how long until Remy gets back from his trip?"

Logan turned off the water and checked the clock. "Not for another six and a half hours, depending on traffic. How long do you think you need?"

Janus chuckled, "I'll be done with this in an hour or two. I was wondering if you wanted to do something this afternoon."

Logan started to nod eagerly but caught himself in time. "Oh, that's really nice of you, Jan, but I don't want to monopolize your entire Sunday. Don't you usually have weekend plans with Roman?"

He laughed. "Oh, I've been supplanted by brotherly love. Remus is visiting and they're off gallivanting in Capitol Hill this afternoon. They regress about twenty years when they first get together after some time apart ... I'm not sure I would want to be a part of that mess, anyway."

"I would have to agree," Logan laughed, thinking about Roman's tales of their college hi-jinks. "I'm game for whatever you are."

...

Later that afternoon, with the menu screen music from The Martian DVD playing in the background, Janus sat beside Logan while he clicked through the e-signature screens for his divorce papers. When he'd finished, Logan leaned his head on Janus' shoulder, took a deep breath and emailed the document back to Kelly's lawyers.

Janus leaned his cheek against the top of Logan's head. "I know this feels like the end, Lo. But I think your story's just beginning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Of course_ The Martian is Logan's favorite movie in this universe. A sci fi film based on a book written by a software developer, wherein the only villain is _the incompatibility of life with the inevitability of Newton's laws of thermodynamics_ , and where science, math, and human cooperation are the heroes? **Bring it on!**
> 
> \-------  
> References  
> [The QLaw Foundation runs law clinics to support the LGBTA community](https://www.qlawfoundation.org/)  
> [Information on developing a safety plan ](https://turningpointmacomb.org/get-help/developing-a-safety-plan/)  
> You, yes **you** are not alone.


	2. It Was a Bright Cold Day in April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."  
> -George Orwell, 1984 (1949)

Logan stood outside Janus and Roman's door for a long time, one hand gripping a bottle of wine, the other jammed in his jacket pocket. He didn't actually want to be there, but he didn't want to be alone today, either.

> _"My apologies, Janus, this Saturday doesn't really work for me," Logan lied._
> 
> _"Hmm ... you already have plans, then?" Janus hummed his response, oozing skepticism. Logan mentally cursed. He'll never figure out how to lie to his friend._
> 
> _"Not plans, per se, just ... I have ... I have a lot of tasks to complete this weekend while the boys are all at Kelly's."_
> 
> _"Mmm-hmm. So you'll be home on your own for the first time in ... has it been **ninety days** now?"_
> 
> _"Damn." Logan hissed the curse aloud this time and winced. He sighed deeply, but wasn't quite ready to cave. "Yes, yes, yes ... you can stop badgering the witness. Yes." Logan huffed. "This Saturday will be ninety days since Kelly filed the divorce papers." Logan felt himself waver between tears and anger. He landed too close to anger. "This Saturday marks the day my disastrous marriage will be figuratively dead in both sentiment and the law. Are you happy?" Logan winced again at his sharp tone but he couldn't soften it._
> 
> _Janus' voice was quiet. "No, Lo, of course I'm not happy." He let their breathing fill the silence for a few moments before continuing. "I ... I just don't think you should be alone on that day. We'd love to see you. Come over. We'll have a little brunch ... It'll be fun, or at least **lively** ... Roman's brother just moved back to the States and he's staying with us while he gets settled." The silence threatened to swallow them both. Janus decided it was time to play the last card in his hand. "If **you** don't come to us, **we'll** just have to come to you and I cannot be held liable for the state of your home after the Prince twins have visited - "_
> 
> _Logan swallowed and nodded. "Alright, alright. You win." Logan closed his eyes and sighed, lips cracked in the tiniest of smiles. "What time should I be there?"_

Logan sucked in a deep breath and was reaching for the doorbell when he heard a loud voice and the door suddenly swung open.

"I told you, he parked outside ten minutes ago. What's taking him so - " A strikingly tall man with neon green curls was shouting over his shoulder as he yanked the door open before turning in surprise to face him. Logan flinched back in shock and started to fall back down the steps when the stranger grabbed his wrist and pulled him back up and away from the edge. "Oh, falling me for me already?" he murmured, smiling down at Logan.

"Remus! Can you control your flirting for five minutes?" Roman's only-partially serious voice called out from the hallway. "At least let us properly greet our guest before you start!" Roman approached the doorway and smiled broadly at Logan. "Hi, Logan, Hun, it's good to see you." He released Remus' grip on Logan and hip-checked his brother out of the doorway, pulling a red-cheeked Logan in for a hug. "Oh, and you've brought my favorite wine!" Roman looked back into the house and called out, "You were right, Janus, he brought the Riesling!" Roman turned back to Logan, urging him in and out of the unseasonable cold. "Come in, come in! You've already met my brother Remus."

Remus half-bowed and smirked at Logan, "Don't worry, I don't bite ... " Remus waggled his eyebrows, "Unless you ask nicely, of course."

Roman rolled his eyes and elbowed his twin. "Stop it." He turned back to Logan, who was following him into the living room, "my brother likes to put on a show for new people, but he's all talk. And he'd flirt with an _umbrella rack_ if given half a chance."

The latter sentence was directed at Remus, who mimed an arrow to the chest. "Brother mine, oh, how you wound me. Besides, I believe dear Logan and I have already met ... at _your_ wedding."

Logan blinked, recalling the many groomsmen at Janus and Roman's wedding. He turned to look at Remus with fresh eyes, remembering. "Oh, yes." Logan nodded slowly, biting his bottom lip in concentration. "I do remember you. Your hair was ... quite different then."

Remus flipped his hair back and squinted his eyes at his brother. "Yes. Yes, it was. Roman here didn't want anything to clash with his colors." Remus scrunched his nose and winked at Logan. "He threatened to keep me out of the procession entirely if I didn't dye my hair a mousy brown."

Roman opened his mouth to retort and Logan's could feel his own lips start to curve upwards. Oh, yes, he remembered this brother. "Mousy? _Mousy?_ Are you calling my hair - " Janus emerged from the kitchen and leaned in to kiss Roman's cheek, interrupting what promised to be a spirited defense of his signature locks.

"Let's all sit down while the food is still warm."

...

Some time later, the four of them sat around the table, nursing second glasses of wine. Logan sighed happily, trying to ignore Janus' 'I told you so' expression. "So, Remus, Janus mentioned you've recently been abroad? What brings you here?"

Remus rested his elbow on the table, hand cradling his jaw. He gestured vaguely with his other hand. "Oh, like half of Seattle, I suppose, I write software." Roman cleared his throat as though to say something but was silenced by a quick look from Remus.

"That sounds fascinating," Logan replied. "And challenging ..."

Remus smiled, "Oh, I enjoy it. Software engineering is like spending all day on puzzles." Remus met Logan's eyes. "And I like a puzzle." Logan's mouth suddenly went dry and he quickly sipped at his wine. "And you, Logan? You work with Janus." It wasn't a question.

"Yes - ," Logan licked his lips and nodded, adjusting his glasses. He forced his voice back down an octave. "Yes, Janus and I have practiced law together for very nearly fifteen years now."

Remus nodded, humming in agreement. "You've done some incredible work there." Logan blinked in surprise, mouth slightly opened.

"H-how - wha-what do you mean?" Logan stuttered and tilted his head, seemingly unaware that he mirrored the tilt of Remus' own head.

Remus jerked his shoulder toward Roman and Janus. "These two are card-carrying Logan Sanders Fan Club members. They won't stop talking about you." Logan felt his face warm and he looked away. Remus just grinned.

Janus coughed, catching Remus' eyes with a pointed look. "There was an actual question you wanted to ask Logan, wasn't there?"

Logan looked up just as Remus flipped his hair - he does that a lot, Logan noted - and leaned back in his chair. "Yes, there was. I've recently made some significant changes to my employment status," Roman raised his eyebrow at this, but didn't elaborate. Remus continued, "And I need to update my residency paperwork. It's tedious, but mistakes can be costly. I was going to ask my dear brother in law for assistance, but ... "

"But it would be a conflict of interest because I am a beneficiary to some of his holdings," Janus completed Remus' sentence.

"I was _going to say_ but then I'd be forced to buy your silence with a bribe ... or at least the threat of fratricide." Remus grinned at Janus' eye roll. Remus turned back to Logan, leaning forward and meeting his eyes again. "So ... would you be willing to help me out?"

Logan blinked - _his eyes are the same shade of green as his hair,_ his brain less than helpfully supplied - "Yes, of course. I'd be happy to."

Janus and Roman exchanged a quick pleasantly surprised glance.

...

At one o'clock on the dot, Remus pressed the doorbell at Logan's home. Logan greeted him at the door and ushered him in toward the kitchen table, where he had set up his laptop, some notepads and a few pencils, and a printed checklist. Remus looked over the list and whistled softly. "Wow. Janus wasn't kidding. I'm in good hands here." Remus bit back the suggestive follow up that popped into his head - _you promised Roman you'd lay off the flirting_ , he reminded himself - and tried to distract himself. He turned to Logan and looked at him, appraisingly. "Nice tie," he said with a smile.

Logan managed to simultaneously narrow his eyes and raise an eyebrow at the grinning man, and adjusted his glasses. "However I suppose it would look nicer on your bedroom floor?"

Remus choked a bit but recovered quickly. "I personally would have gone with 'but it would look nicer tied to my bedpost,' but we could use yours." He cleared his throat and looked away. "I was ... actually being serious. The Pacific Northwest is a little too casual for my tastes." Remus shrugged. "I miss ties." He looked up again, meeting Logan's eyes with a kind smile.

"I - I apologize. I didn't intend -," Logan opened and closed his mouth again, brow furrowed. He adjusted his glasses again. "Perhaps we should just get started." Remus nodded, pulling out a chair and sprawling over it. Logan squared his shoulders and fought to remember his manners. "Can I get you something to drink? Coffee? Tea?"

Remus decided he needed an award for not finishing the man's question with _'Me?'_

"Regular black tea would be great, thank you," he said instead.

Tea in hand, the two pulled down Remus' documents from his cloud drive and started through Logan's checklist. They quickly worked through the basic residency updates, and completed the conversion documents for most of Remus' holdings. "I'll need to ask you some questions for this next section to determine which forms to use." Logan looked up at Remus to ensure he had his consent to continue. "Any dependents? Children or other dependent family members?"

"I'm betting a co-dependent drama queen twin doesn't count?," Remus joked.

Logan chuckled, "No, I wouldn't include Roman in that category. Children, wards, anyone you're financially supporting."

"Nope," Remus popped the 'p'. "Juuuust me."

"Spouse or alimony recipient?," he asked carefully. Logan sat up perfectly straight, desperate to hide his discomfort with the topic of divorce.

"None at all. Came close a few times to popping the question, and was asked more than once, but ... " His eyes drifted up and caught Logan staring at him. Remus slowly looked away, grinning. "But I've never actually taken the plunge. Roman and Janus are my only beneficiaries, along with a few charities."

Logan hummed in response and typed a few words into a search box and ticked off the boxes for the beneficiary forms they would need.

"This is genuinely quite impressive, you know," Remus finally broke the silence. Logan looked up, eyes wide in surprise and a little confusion. Remus sought to explain. "That you have all of this so ... organized. I thought you specialized in - "

"I specialize in social justice law and also practice family law on a pro bono basis." Logan completed automatically, maintaining eye contact and hoping his warming face wasn't obvious.

Remus' eyes were soft as he smiled back at him. "Exactly. I'm impressed that even outside your rather broad specialties you're so ... _knowledgeable_."

Logan swallowed and looked down at his hands still resting on the keyboard. He adjusted his glasses and shook his head a bit, "it's nothing, really. I ... " He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I recently had to update my own will and insurance beneficiary paperwork ... after my - " Logan swallowed again. "After my divorce." He took a sip of his tea. "I merely used my own checklist as a template for yours and expanded it based on what I already knew about your new situation."

For once, Remus was nearly speechless. Janus and Roman had warned him that Logan was a little fragile - hence his promise to cut back on the habitual flirting - but the pain running underneath Logan's formal words was unmissable and _heartbreaking_ to see up close. Again, Remus was _nearly_ speechless. Remus stared at Logan for a moment and suddenly blurt out, "so how did you and your ex meet?"

Logan's head jerked over and he locked eyes with Remus at his question. Remus opened his mouth to apologize but stopped when Logan started to laugh. After a minute or two, he said, gasping a bit, "you're - you're the first - the first person to refer to Kelly as my _'ex.'_ " Logan ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head from side to side. "My ex," he said quietly, like he was trying out how the words felt in his mouth. He smiled sadly and turned in his chair to face Remus.

"It was your typical geeky storybook meeting. We were first year students at UW. We both reached for the same clipboard on the Fight Global Warming table and ... " Logan scoffed a bit, rubbing at the back of his neck. "And _she_ asked _me_ out for a coffee."

"Wait," Remus interrupted, "' _Global Warming_ '? Old school, much?"

Logan chuckled, shaking his head ruefully. "It was the halcyon days of nineteen hundred and ninety-six. That's before the big rebrand to Climate Change. Not that it's helped much."

Remus grinned. "So you've always been a rabble-rouser."

"I suppose so," Logan mused quietly.

"Hmmm...," Remus hummed happily. "I _like_ troublemakers." Logan blushed and then grew quiet, lost in the memory, wondering what his life would be like now if they hadn't reached for that clipboard at the same moment. Wondering if there was anything he could have done to stop everything from going so wrong so quickly.

Remus noticed Logan's darkening expression and tried to pull him back into the conversation. "So ... who stole your heart before her?"

Logan fidgeted and looked down at the keyboard. He straightened his back in the chair and shrugged. "There, um ... there _wasn't_ anyone before Kelly. I, uh," Logan sucked in a deep breath. "I was ... I was too busy in high school to really think about ...," he gestured at nothing. "I had stage crew and debate team ... math club ... you know how it is."

Remus eyes grew softer and something stirred deep inside his chest. He nodded slowly, the pieces to this puzzle slowly clicking into place. "Yeah. Yeah, actually I do." He sought out Logan's eyes. "No crushes at all?," he asked gently. The tips of Logan's ears turned pink but he shook his head, refusing to meet the other's eyes.

"No," Logan said finally. Remus rubbed at his mustache while he watched Logan resume typing. Logan suddenly spoke up, "What about you? What was your high school life like?"

He chuckled without humor. "Yeah, high school was pretty rough until I came out. And then ... well, you can imagine. It wasn't exactly _easier_ , just ... " Remus shrugged. " _Freer_. I could be myself." Remus pointedly looked away from Logan, and could feel the other's eyes watching him. "At least we weren't alone. Roman and I always had each other's backs." Remus smiled broadly now, remembering the days after graduation. "And college got a lot better." Remus waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "And a lot more fun." Logan wouldn't look directly at him. Remus opened his mouth as though to say something else but noticed the tension in Logan's jaw and then closed it again.

After a few long moments, Logan took a deep breath and opened his mouth only to be Interrupted by his phone. _Na na na na na na na na na na na ..._ Remus grinned at the MCR ring tone. Logan picked up the phone, frowning, "I'm sorry, it's Virgil. He virtually never _calls._ I need to take this." Remus nodded and stood to clear their empty cups and to give him a simulacrum of privacy.

"Wait, Virgil, honey, slow down ..." Logan paused as he listened to his son on the phone. His mouth hung open and his face went deathly white. "Where are you? ... Ok, ok, and the police are there right now? ... Ok, ok, I'll be right there. ... Just - just hang tight, I'll be right there, Virge. I love you!" Logan ended the call and stared at the phone for a moment before going to open the hall closet, gathering his shoes, keys, and jacket.

Remus looked at Logan with widened eyes. "That sounded bad. Is Virgil ok?"

Logan counted out his breaths, pushing back against panic. After a minute, he looked up at Remus. "The police are at Kelly's house. They're arresting her for a DUI. I need to go get my sons."


	3. A Queer, Sultry Summer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn't know what I was doing in New York."  
> \- Sylvia Plath, the Bell Jar (1963)

Logan turned off the kitchen timer and the burner, then placed a lid on the pot of eggs, moving it to a trivet on the counter. Remy called out from the other room, "What time will they be here, Dad?"

Logan opened his mouth to answer when the doorbell rang. "Now," he said with a little laugh. Logan took a deep breath, looking around the kitchen. Just a little behind schedule, but the egg salad will be fresh, at least. "Would you mind letting them in?"

Remy opened the door as Patton came flying out behind him, "Uncle Roman! Uncle Janus!," he shouted, launching himself into their arms.

Janus oofed as Patton nearly tackled him to the ground in a giant hug. "Whoa there, what's your dad feeding you, protein shakes?," he teased, smiling down at one of his three favorite nearly-nephews. "You're getting too strong for me." Patton laughed as Janus hugged him back and Roman ruffled his hair.

"Patton, let them inside," Virgil drawled from behind Remy.

Remy laughed, "Yeah, you're hogging all the hugs!"

Patton stuck out his tongue, "You'll get your turn! They'll be here all night," he said to his eldest brother. Patton looked up at Roman, "You're staying for the fireworks over Lake Washington, right?"

Roman grinned and lifted up Patton into a bear hug, "We wouldn't miss it!"

It was then that Patton finally noticed the third man standing on their doorstep. Roman saw Patton's eyes widen and he gestured to Remus, whispering with a grin, "He's _my_ brother."

Logan walked over to the doorway, wiping his hands with a dishtowel. He smiled and unknowingly parroted Virgil, "Patton, let them inside, please." Everyone tromped inside, Logan shutting the door behind them. "Boys, this is Remus, Roman's brother. Remus, these are my sons - Remy, Virgil, and - "

"I'm Patton," Patton interrupted, eyes wide, staring up at Remus. "Your hair is green! And you've got tattoos!" Remus smiled and crouched down a bit so he wouldn't tower over the boy quite as much.

"Yes, it is. And yes, I do."

Remus seemed about to elaborate when Patton suddenly turned to Logan, asking, "Can I get a tattoo? A big shark or a Ginkgo tree like Remus'?" Patton turned back over to Remus, "Dad told me _all about_ Ginkgo trees. They're going to be the best kind of tree to plant when the climate starts changing because they're really strong and hardy and drought resistant. Did you know that Ginkgo trees can live for _thousands_ of years? ."

Logan felt his cheeks warm as he met Remus' eyes with a smiling apology but Remus only grinned back before nodding at Patton. "As a matter of fact, I did. Did _you_ know that there are fossils of Ginkgo trees that are over two hundred million years old and that the Ginkgo Biloba is the last of its kind?"

"Like the Doctor!," Patton shouted, pulling Remus' hand into the living room to show him their Doctor Who DVDs. Logan, Roman, and Janus watched in stunned silence as the pair jumped from topic to topic, never slowing down but seeming to have the time of their lives.

Virgil looked over to Roman. "Twin brother, huh?" Roman just nodded, a surprised smile on his face at the speed with which the two of them found a shared passion for ... everything. Virgil chuckled. "I feel ya. I feel ya," he muttered as the group made their way into the living room.

...

"Hi there, Logan. Need a hand?," Remus stood just outside the kitchen, smiling at Logan, who had just escaped the frenzied discussion to resume preparing their 4th of July feast. Logan looked around at the bowls and seasonings scattered around him on the counter and sighed in relief.

"Your offer is more than welcome," he said, nodding. "Thank you." He slid down the counter, making room for Remus to stand next to him, watching the fray through the opening over the counter into the next room. He smiled and chuckled as he watched Patton finally convince Roman to give him a piggyback ride around the living room.

The second timer went off, and Logan turned to run cold water over the eggs still in the pot and then brought them over to the counter for peeling. Logan watched Remus' strong hands gently roll an egg on the countertop, then deftly peel back the shell in one twisted piece. As if feeling the other's eyes on him, Remus looked up at Logan as he plucked another egg from the cold water. Logan quickly looked down at the egg in his own hand and started peeling. A crash sounded out from the living room, where Janus, Roman, and the boys were still playing. "Nothing broke!" Patton, Remy, and Roman all called out in unison. Logan and Remus laughed, shaking their heads.

Remus peered out at the living room. "Your boys really are just adorable little mini-Logans, you know," Remus murmured, smiling and turning again to look at Logan. "They look just like you."

Logan's smile tightened a bit as he nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. "They each have a sprinkling of their mother in there, too." Logan's eyes darkened a bit as he spoke. "Remy has Kelly's smile. Virgil has her eyes, and Patton's got her hair."

Remus looked closely at Logan, watching the sadness stirring just under the surface of his smiling eyes. "Is it hard?," he quietly asked at last. Logan looked back at Remus, tilting his head in a confusion. Remus paused, bit the inside of his cheek and then clarified in the same low voice, "Is it hard ... to look at them and see ... see parts of someone who ... hurt you?" Logan's entire face seemed to collapse for a moment and Remus would have given anything to take back that question. He reached out to place a hand over Logan's hand, hesitated, but then finally gently gripped his shoulder. Logan took a deep breath and seemed to lean in to the touch a bit, looking down at the counter.

Logan opened and closed his mouth a few times before answering, seeming to start and then abandon responses. He nodded. "It ... it used to be ... Sometimes ... yes." He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, briefly pressed his lips tightly together, then took another deep breath. "Back when ... before we separated." Logan looked up and out at the joyful disarray in the living room. "And now ...," he sighed softly, the smile slowly returning. "Now, it kind of helps to know there's a good version of that smile out there in the world. A kinder version of those eyes ... " Logan trailed off, but his small smile remained. Remus opened his mouth, about to speak, when Logan sighed deeply, widened his smile and said, "Alright, they're going to be hungry. Let's finish this egg salad, then we can put the steaks and veggies on the grill."

Remus smiled back, nodding and swallowing his question. He stood at mock attention and saluted, "Yes, Chef!"

...

A few hours and one - minor - grill fire later, they all sat around the big wooden table on the back deck. Janus and Logan are talking quietly about a case when Patton's voice suddenly rang out above the overlapping conversations.

" ** _You make video games?!_** " Patton's eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. "Dad, you didn't tell us you knew a video game developer!"

Logan head popped up, blinking in surprise. "I - I wasn't aware that I did." He looked over to Remus who shrugged and threw out jazz hands with a little grin as if to say 'guess who?'

"It looks like the cat is out of the bag, brother mine." Roman called out, laughing at the creeping blush on Remus' face. "Shall I?," he intoned with an air of mystery. Remus bowed his head and covered his eyes with one hand and gestured a quick "go ahead" with the other. Roman looked around the table, smiling at everyone's rapt attention. "My brother, the green-haired gremlin here, is not simply a mere software developer as he likes to profess. He is much more commonly known as the designer and developer of a little game called _Limbo._

Logan glanced at Remus, who still covered most of his face with his hand, but his ears were decidedly _pink_. Logan turned to Roman, "Isn't that the black and white game you bought Remy a few years ago?" Roman nodded excitedly, beaming at his brother.

Virgil jumped in, "Dad, Limbo is the _single greatest game ever made_. You're on the edge of Hell and you have to figure out how to do impossible things and you die when you fail and have start all over again."

Logan cringed a bit at the description, but he now remembered seeing Remy and Virgil play the game for hours on end. He turned back to Remus, who had lowered his hand and fidgeted with his napkin, a small smile dancing on his face. "You should be proud of your work. However macabre, the game is quite striking." Logan smiled at Remus, leaning a little closer. ""Single greatest game ever made' is not a phrase thrown around lightly in this House of Gamers."

At Logan's words, Remus stopped fidgeting and his smile widened a bit. "I was afraid you would think my work was ... frivolous compared to yours," he murmured. Logan felt his cheeks warm and blinked at him, unsure of how to respond.

Remy looked thoughtful, "Wait, Limbo's made by Playdead ... they're in Coppenhaggen." He tilted his head and looked at Remus in what Remus thought was a spot-on impression of his father. "You're not Danish," he said, shaking his head, face slightly scrunched in a scowl.

Remus grins "Hej! Det er rart at møde dig, unge mand. Taler du også dansk?" Remy's face bloomed in a smile at the flawless Danish accent coming from the man. Remus gave one more apologetic shrug to Logan. "I design and code under pen names ... it just makes things easier."

"Dad, can we go play Limbo with Remus?," Remy begged. Patton had already run to Remus' side, attempting to pull him up and out of his chair. Even Virgil cracked a smile at the prospect of playing his favorite game with the actual creator of the game.

Logan looked at the smiles on all four faces and couldn't stop his laughter, "Yes, yes, of course. Just give him breaks, ok?"

...

Patton and Remy chattered excitedly as they led the way down the narrow staircase. Remus and Virgil followed close behind. At the bottom landing, they all spread out into the gaming room - an open, carpeted area with a large television at one end and a rowing machine at the other. A large, overstuffed couch sat in the middle, facing the screen and gaming consoles. While Patton and Remy vied for a spot on the couch, Virgil went to retrieve the controllers and set up the game. As he was reaching in to a large basket of gaming equipment, Virgil's long sleeve caught on the edge of the basket, raising it up just above the wrist. He quickly yanked the sleeve back down, looking quickly to his brothers to see if either noticed.

Patton and Remy were too busy arguing over who should get to sit where to notice. _Remus_ , however, wasn't distracted. He had already noted both the fact that Virgil was wearing long sleeves and long pants in July, as well as the furtive tugging on his sleeves all throughout the day. Seeing the obvious concern Virgil had that someone might have seen whatever he was hiding was just the final confirmation. Remus would have to have a talk with Logan.

"Hey, Remus, wanna see me play?," Patton shouted, stirring Remus from his worry. Patton looked up at Remus, bouncing on the balls of his feet, controller gripped in his hands.

Remus smiled. He'll talk to Logan tonight. "You bet, buddy! Let's see what you can do!"

...

A comfortable silence fell over the room when the boys and Remus went downstairs to the game room. Logan met Janus' eyes and grinned, shaking his head slightly in stunned amazement. "What just happened?," he finally laughed.

"My brother, that's what happened," said Roman with a smile. "And you all think _I'm_ the dramatic one."

Janus leaned over and cupped Roman's cheek with his hand, "We think that because you _are_ the dramatic one, my dear. And we love you for it."

Logan leaned back in his chair, giving his oldest friends a moment to themselves. His gaze traveled back toward the staircase inside that led to the game room, thinking about how the boys had just glomed on to Remus like he hung the moon. He chuckled to himself, it's essentially the same thing in his sons' minds - the man creates video games. In a few short hours, Remus had managed to simultaneously keep up with Patton's excitability, gain Remy's respect, _and_ make Virgil actually smile. He was efficient cook, as well. Perhaps he really did hang the moon.

Logan suddenly became aware of how quiet Janus and Roman had become. He looked up to see them both staring at him, lips turned upwards in little knowing smiles. "I'm sorry, did you ask me something?," Logan asked in confusion.

The two exchanged a glance. "Not at all," murmured Janus. "You looked lost in thought. Something on your mind?" Janus raised an eyebrow.

Logan leaned forward and opened his mouth to try to explain the thoughts running through his mind. Nothing came out and he felt a blush creeping up from his neck to his eyebrows. "Nothing, really," he finally said softly.

Janus narrowed his eyes slightly but didn't immediately reply. Roman nudged Janus' foot under the table, and Janus nodded slightly in acknowledgement. He took a careful sip from his water glass, then asked quietly, "How is everything else going? Have you heard from ... Kelly recently?" Janus tried and failed to keep the name venom-free.

Logan sighed and ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck, feeling the small scar near the hairline. "Not recently, no. Apparently she had never paid her attorney's retainer from the divorce and he declined to represent her in this case." Logan pulled off his glasses, wet a clean napkin and polished the lenses. "Her new representation seems ... inadequate. He was unable to secure her a on a bond release and her finances are insufficient for the requested bail amount." Janus noted the sudden increased formality to Logan's speech but said nothing, waiting for more. "Last week, I petitioned the court for full custody."

Roman sighed in relief. "That's great, Lo! If you win you won't have to deal with her anymore!"

Janus looked closely at the way Logan's jaw muscles bunched and how his back was still ramrod-straight in the chair. "There's more to it than that, isn't there?"

Logan let out a breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding. He met Janus' eyes. "I'm worried about Virgil. He was the one who called the police when Kelly got in the car after drinking."

Roman gasped quietly, raising his hand over his mouth, eyes darting over to where the boys went downstairs. "Oh, poor Virge,"

Logan nodded, a burning starting behind his eyes. "He knows it was the right choice. But at the same time, he feels like it's his fault that his own mother is locked up and -," Logan put his head in his hands and Janus quickly rose and stood behind him, rubbing circles on Logan's back. Roman sat on Logan's other side, a gentle hand on his arm. Logan looked up after a few minutes, scrubbing away tears. He leaned against Roman's shoulder. "Whatever I have to do, I'm never letting her hurt us again."

...

Later that evening, after the fireworks, and after the boys have gone to, if not sleep, at least to their rooms, Logan and Remus were back in the kitchen, packing away leftovers. Remus twisted a dish towel in his hands, waiting for the perfect moment that simply wouldn't come. "Hey, Logan ... I need to talk to you about something."

Logan felt his shoulders tighten at the uncharacteristic hesitancy in the other's tone. He put down the dish in his hands and swallowed before trusting his voice. "Of course, Remus. Is there something I can assist you with?"

Something warm bubbled in Remus' chest at Logan's immediate willingness to offer help. "I'm actually hoping that I can help you. Or, more specifically, Virgil." Logan's eyes widened and he felt his breath catch in his throat. He nodded for Remus to continue. "I - I noticed today that Virgil seems to be very carefully keeping his arms covered. It's the middle of summer and he's covered up down past his wrists and ... " Remus looked carefully at Logan, gauging his reaction. "And there was a moment downstairs when his sleeve raised up a bit and he looked really panicked that someone might have seen whatever was under it." Logan was silent, so Remus continued. "I've seen this before in people who ... people who self harm."

"You think Virgil's cutting?," Logan asked quietly, rubbing his own wrist under his watchband. Remus quickly looked away, pretending not to notice, but nodded.

"I'm sorry to spring this on you, I know this can't be easy to hear. I just - " Remus took a breath, _in for a penny, in for a pound,_ he thought. "I have had a lot of experience with this. The sooner he gets help, the better. Cutting can ... escalate quickly." Remus turned over his own left arm, allowing Logan a closer look at the Ginkgo tattoo. Up close, Logan could suddenly see that under the leaves were dozens of long scars. Logan raised his eyes to meet Remus'. Both were swimming in unshed tears. Logan remembered Remus' words months ago, _" ... high school was pretty rough before I came out ... "_

Logan nodded slowly. "I - I've been worried about Virgil since ... " Logan sighed shakily. "I'll make us an appointment. We've ... we've been through a lot lately." Logan leaned back hard against the counter, shoulders slumped, looking down at the floor. "Yeah, I'll ... " he whispered, but didn't continue.

Remus leaned against the counter next to Logan, not looking directly at the other, but not wanting to allow too much distance between them, either. "Listen, Logan, I know that you and Janus are really close ... I don't ... I just -, " Remus caught his upper lip in his teeth for a moment, considering his next words. He took another breath, "I just want you to know that if you ever needed another ear, or needed _anything_ ... I'm here for you. For anything. " Remus looked like there was more he wanted to say, but just repeated, "I'm here for you."

Logan didn't quite know what to say. "I - I truly appreciate that, Remus. Thank you." He looked down at his hands. "I realize that a divorced father of three hardly fits in your usual circle of friends, but I - I hope you'll always consider me as such and know that my, well, _figurative_ door is always open to you, as well."

Remus grinned at Logan. "Thanks, man. You know -, " before he could finish his next sentence, Roman called from the hallway  
"Remus Alexander Prince, I am _exhausted._ If you aren't in this car within the next thirty seconds, I will personally string you up by your toes!"

Remus winked at Logan and shouted back to his brother, "Do you promise?"

Remus turned back to Logan, his expression growing more somber. "What I was about to say was ... while these boys really ended up with a nightmare's excuse for a mother, they won the lottery with their father. Patton and Virgil and Remy are so lucky to have you as their dad. I hope you know that."

They could hear Roman's voice getting closer, "Twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight ... "

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Remus called back to Roman. "Well ... in a manner of speaking," he added, waggling his eye brows at Logan and winking one more time before sprinting down the hallway to join his brother.


	4. The Sun Did Not Shine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The sun did not shine.  
> It was too wet to play.  
> So we sat in the house  
> All that cold, cold wet day."  
> \- Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat (1957)

Remus was walking back from a rainy lunch with his team when he felt his phone buzz. "Pardon me, folks, it's an actual phone call! Maybe it's the Pope!" he joked with his customary shoulder shimmy. His smile deepened when he saw Logan's contact information appear on the screen. "Hmmm, hello there, Lo! What's cookin'?"

"Remus? It's ... Logan," Something in Logan's voice stopped Remus from responding with a joke. Remus' brows knit together and he frowned at quietness of the tone. He held down the volume up button, stopped walking, and covered his other ear with his free hand.

"Logan, what's wrong?," Remus felt his heart pound. "Are you safe?"

Logan's voice sounded muffled for a moment, like he was covering the mouthpiece and speaking to someone else. "I'm - I'm back, I'm sorry. Remus, I'm sorry to call you, but ... " Remus held his breath, not wanting to interrupt, and desperately fighting an instinct to just _run_ to wherever he thought Logan might be. "Remus, I'm at Children's Hospital. Can you - I'm sorry to ask this, but you can meet me here? It's Virg-" Logan covered the mouthpiece again.

"Logan, Logan, can you hear me?," Remus near-shouted into the phone. He heard Logan hum in acknowledgement. "I'm Downtown, and I'm heading to Children's right now. Which building are you in?"

"We're still in the Emergency Room in observation. I don't ... I - Remus, thank you." The phone disconnected and Remus looked up at his team. They had frozen when they saw their ordinarily joyfully chaotic boss suddenly turn so serious.

"What's the fastest way to get to Children's Hospital from here?"

...

"I'm very sorry, sir," the nurse at the admitting desk said in a tone that was anything but sorry. "But I don't have _any_ patients named Virgil Sanders here. Please understand, I can't help you." The nurse at the admitting desk pressed her lips together firmly in what Remus thought was a fair imitation of Nurse Ratched.

Remus stretched a smile across his face, one so broad that his molars nearly showed. He pressed both hands down onto the edge of the admitting desk and then leaned just slightly over it. He tilted his head to one side just a bit too far to look comfortable. "Of course, I understand." He stared into her eyes, and somehow stretched his smile even further. He spoke slowly and precisely. "I would suggest that you find someone who _will_ help me." The nurse did not step away from the desk, nor did she break eye contact with Remus - under different circumstances he'd hire her in an instant - but she did pick up a phone and page for a resident. Remus dropped the smile completely, taking half a step back away from the desk and crossed his arms. "Thank you."

A few minutes later, a resident appeared, eyes locked on Remus' green hair. He narrowed his eyes, "What's your name, please, sir?"

"Remus Prince," he drew out his first name in an attempt to siphon off some of the residual anger he still felt at the nurse' initial dismissiveness.

The resident nodded, "Follow me, please, Mr. Prince." Remus followed the resident through the double doors, resisting the urge to look back and sneer at the admitting nurse.

They turned a corner into another hallway with a blue and red stripe halfway between ceiling and floor. "Remus!," the crack in Logan's voice shot through Remus' chest. He turned and saw Logan standing outside a room with glass doors and a staffed nursing station just outside, with an unobstructed view into the room. _Oh,_ Remus thought, _that kind of observation._ In two long strides, Remus stood in front of Logan and gripped his upper arms. Logan pulled Remus closer, clinging to his chest. Remus wrapped his arms around Logan's back. "You came, I told them you'd come ..."

"Of course," Remus closed his eyes, shaken at the broken tone in Logan's voice. "How's Virgil?," Remus whispered into his hair.

Logan took a shuddering breath. "He's asleep right now. He hadn't slept in three days. He - " Remus could feel Logan's jaw move against his shoulder as he ground his teeth.

Remus looked up and around the hallway where they stood. He noticed an empty consultation room opposite Virgil's room and caught the eye of the resident who was still standing just a few feet away. "I would like to take my friend in there, if you don't mind." The resident nodded once. "Lo," Remus said in a softer tone. "Come with me. Let's get out of this hallway." Logan looked where Remus was gesturing. "Let's sit down. We'll be able to see Virgil's room from there." Logan silently nodded and let go of Remus, walking toward the room. Remus looked at the resident again, bright green eyes locked on the resident's. "Thank you - " Remus read the man's name ID badge, then looked up to meet his eyes again. "Thank you, Dr. Nale, for helping me take care of my friend." The resident swallowed and nodded, acknowledging both the gratitude and the promise-threat that Remus would remember him.

Remus entered the small room and closed the door so their voices wouldn't carry. The room had a glass wall that looked out and across the hallway into Virgil's room. They could see him curled on his side in the hospital bed. He was rather tall for the little beds in the children's wing, but appeared to be sleeping comfortably. Logan stood against the glass, expression blank, staring at his son. Remus arranged two chairs so they could both face Virgil's room and steered Logan toward the softer chair.

Remus pulled out his phone and started making some notes.

> **_Dr. Nale - helpful resident._ **  
>  **_Nurse Pendling - Nurse Ratched at the front desk._ **

"Logan, do you have a parent hospital bracelet or maybe a badge?" Logan looked down at his wrists and shook his head. "Ok, so Virgil's not officially admitted yet." Remus looked closer at Logan's face. His eyes were a little sunken and his lips were chapped. He wasn't really speaking and seemed slow to respond even non-verbally. "Lo? Lo, look at me," Remus coaxed. Logan slowly turned to look toward Remus. "Logan, how long have you been here?"

Logan shook his head slightly and shrugged a little but then seemed to consider the question. "We got here ... " Logan took a deep breath. "We got here early this morning. Before school."

Remus nodded, "Ok. Ok, good." He tapped _**8 AM?**_ into his phone. "Logan, what about Patton? Did he go to school today?"

"Yes, yes, Roman took him," Logan slowly nodded. "He was off today. It's the cabaret's dark night." Thinking about his sons seemed to be helping Logan center himself.

"That's lucky," Remus murmured carefully. And if Roman knew that Virgil was in the hospital, then so did Janus. Remus trusted that Janus would handle whatever was needed with Logan's cases. "And Remy's still on campus for the fall quarter, right?" Logan nodded again.

> _**Patton - spending the night at Ro's? will need pick up tomorrow after school** _  
>  **_Call Remy later_ **

Remus looked around the room again. There was a small water cooler in the corner. He filled a paper cup and pressed it into Logan's hand. "Here, take a sip." Logan looked down at the cup in his hand like he didn't know what it was but he followed Remus' instruction. When Logan finished that cup, Remus refilled it and took one for himself, as well.

Logan sipped at the second cup, and Remus watched him carefully as his eyes gradually started to regain their usual focus. After several minutes, Logan turned and looked at Remus and it felt like he finally really saw him for the first time that day. "Remus - " Logan sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before placing one hand over Remus' free hand. "You're here."

Remus flipped his hand over and gently squeezed Logan's. "Always."

...

Virgil slept for several more hours, during which Logan alternated between pacing, crying, and describing for Remus how they'd ended up in the emergency room. The day had started with an early morning call from Virgil's therapist. Remus had already heard from Logan - and Remy - that the whole family had started therapy after the 4th of July and everything felt like it was going well. However, that morning, Virgil's therapist was reviewing the answers in his CBT workbook and noticed that lots of letters were colored purple, scattered across the pages without an obvious pattern. She was experienced, though, and knew it was likely anything but random. She checked and the letters spelled out a note saying goodbye. She had immediately called Logan and recommended that they head straight to the ER at Children's for an evaluation and, likely, admission.

After Virgil woke, Logan joined him in the room. Remus worked the floor, finding an unlocked linen closet so that Virgil could have an extra blanket, and hunting down someone to bring Virgil - and Logan - food. The two had left for the hospital before breakfast and it was now past dinner time. Remus had spent enough time in similar observation wards with friends' families to know that if he walked around like he belonged there, people would likely leave him alone, grateful that perhaps it would mean one fewer nurse's bell being rung. Remus also stepped out a few times to call and check in with Roman and Janus and confirmed that Patton could spend the night at their house and that they would get him to school in the morning.

Eventually, it became clear to all that Virgil would need to be admitted. The nurse searched Virgil's pockets and bagged up his phone, shoes, belt, hoodie, and jewelry, handing the bag to Logan. Logan and Virgil walked through the byzantine hallways toward the inner corridors of the behavioral health ward while Remus sat in the small waiting room. He looked looked around the room, noting the faded posters, emergency public address code chart, and a schedule of mandatory parent classes on safety plans and de-escalation techniques. He sat a little closer to the desk where a tired-looking administrative-type sat, typing at a keyboard. Remus checked the time - 10:40 PM. Past regular visiting hours. He smiled at the admin and stage whispered, "Is it always this quiet this time of night?"

The admin looked up, first seeing the neon green hair, but then settled on the kind eyes and smile. She returned his smile. "Usually even quieter." Remus winked. She tilted her head, "You're here with Virgil Croft, aren't you?" Remus groaned internally, careful to keep a gentle grin on his face. _Croft. Right - Virgil's under 18 and hasn't changed his name to Sanders yet. Perhaps he owed Ratched an apology._

Remus nodded slowly. "His dad is helping him get settled now." He gestured at the sign on the desk, "Visiting hours start at 10 AM tomorrow?"

She nodded and hummed. "Yes. Parents are allowed to visit a minor child's room at any time, though, as long as the child is willing, of course."

"Hence Virge's dad can be with him right now," Remus said, maintaining eye contact, nodding with her.

"Hence Virge's dad can be with him right now," she confirmed. Remus smiled.

"I'm Remus," he said, reaching close enough to shake her hand.

"Barbara," she shook his hand, a small smile on her face.

"So, Barbara," Remus pulled his chair next to her desk and rested an elbow on the back edge, pulling up his notes app on his phone. "What should we _really_ know about Virge's time here?"

...

More than two hours later, the door to the inner ward buzzed and Logan slowly walked through. Remus leapt to his feet and gently tugged the bag of Virgil's belongings out of Logan's shaking hands, leading him over to a chair. "Here, Lo. Sit down. It's ok." Remus had watched how carefully Logan had maintained his steely grip on his composure every time he was in the room with Virgil. The façade had begun to crack.

Barbara had stepped around the desk and held a small can of orange juice out to Remus. "This will help," she said, looking at Logan in concern.

"Thanks, Barbara." Remus opened the can and turned back to Logan, "Lo, drink this. You'll feel a little better. Then I'm going to take you home."

Logan slowly sipped at the juice, nodding. "Thank you." He looked up in Barbara's direction, but wasn't focusing on her. "Thank you, both." Barbara smiled and went back to her desk. "I'm parked in the Blue lot," he finally said to Remus.

"Finish that juice," Remus said, nodding, "And I'll drive you home."

...

Once they arrived at Logan's house, Remus helped Logan inside, pushed another glass of water at him and made sure he laid down in his bed. Remus noticed a phone charger on his nightstand and he retrieved Logan's phone from the - now - sleeping man's jacket and plugged it in.

He went back downstairs and checked the time. A little after 2 AM. Remus looked around the living room and shrugged. The couch looked comfy enough. He'd definitely slept on worse. Remus sent off a quick text to Roman and Janus to let them know Logan was home and that he would be staying there for the night. He dug around in the kitchen until he found another charging cable to power his own phone and collapsed on the couch.

Remus' watch buzzed him awake a few hours later. A little bleary eyed, he needed a moment to remember where he is and why he was in Logan's living room. With a pang, he remembered the previous night and jumped up and headed to the coffee maker. 7:34. Remus fished his own morning medication out of his jacket pocket and washed it down with a glass of water. He considered waking Logan, but ultimately he decided to let him sleep just a little longer - at least until he can figure out how Logan's coffee maker works. After a few frustrating minutes, Remus heard a knocking at the front door.

Remus walked over and opened the door a crack before swinging it wide open. "Janus! What are you doing here?"

"I bring coffee, clothes, and company," he said with a small smile. "I make no promises about what Roman selected for you -," Janus handed Remus the larger of the two bags he carried. "But I _can_ guarantee that the coffee is top notch."

"Well thank you and _thank Cthulu_ , because I can't figure out Logan's coffee maker to save my life. Literally. I'm dying for some caffeine," he sighed happily when Janus pressed a hot cup from Downpour into his hands and took a sip. "Hmmm. Better. What kind of product designer decided to turn a coffee maker into a pre-caffeination intelligence and dexterity test?" Remus took another sip and raked his hand through his curls, massaging his scalp. "I know, a sadist ... and _not_ the fun kind."

Floorboards creaked and Logan's voice sounded from halfway down the stairs. "Have we reached the sadism portion of the morning already?"

"Lo, you're up - oh," Remus slapped a hand over his mouth as though he could retroactively lower his voice. "Did we wake you?" Remus looked chagrined as his eyes followed Logan's path into the kitchen.

"Thanks," Logan muttered to Janus as he handed him the third cup of coffee. "No, do not worry, you didn't wake me, Remus." he said carefully. "I am accustomed to waking by seven every morning. " He looked at his friends, caffeine finally turning the last gear into place. He blinked in confusion. "What are _you two_ doing here so early?"

Remus felt his face flush and Janus saved him from having to answer. " _I_ just arrived, bearing caffeinated gifts, and Remus ... Remus has been here since he drove you home last night."

Logan turned back to Remus, mouth falling open a bit as he calculated when they must have arrived last night. "You drove my car ... " Logan's face contorted in a mess of feelings for a moment but then he caught Remus' bright smile and relaxed. He let out his breath with a quick sigh. "Thank you, Remus." Logan looked like he wanted to say more but, but instead he pressed his lips together, adjusted his glasses, and nodded. "Thank you."

"No problema, man," Remus drawled, nudging Logan's shoulder with his own. "Oh! I've got something for you." Remus pulled out his phone and texted Logan the list he'd been populating throughout the night at the hospital. Logan's phone whistled softly and he pulled it out to see a list of ... everything he would need to know, do, or procure to take care of Virgil while he was in the hospital.

Logan scrolled through the list. He started to read some of the notes aloud. "Receptionists names, Virgil's attending doctor's cell number ... parent and patient class times ... the hours for the 'good Starbucks'? ... Remus, where did you get all of this information?" He looked up at Remus' soft expression, noticed Janus watching the two of them through narrowed eyes and quickly lowered his gaze, feeling his cheeks warm. He adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. "This will be most helpful. But, how?"

Remus grinned and shrugged. "I kept a list of tidbits I came across while I was waiting for you. Oh, and Barbara was very helpful ... "

"Barbara ... ?" Logan's voice trailed off, scrolling back through the list. "Oh, the night admin on Virgil's ward." Logan opened and closed his mouth. He swallowed carefully and looked back at Remus. "Thank you," he repeated.

Janus looked at the two of them for a moment, shaking his head slowly, a small smile playing at his lips. _Leave it to Remus ..._ "Well, time waits for no man," he said at last. "I'm due at the office in an hour - Logan, your cases are covered and I have a FMLA request ready for you to sign if you need it - however, in the meantime, how about I make breakfast while you two finish getting ready. Visiting hours start at ... ?" Janus raised his eyebrows in a question.

"Ten o'clock," Remus and Logan answered together.

"A quick study, as usual, Logan," Janus made a shooing gesture at the two men. "Off you go ..." Janus poked his head in the refrigerator. "Eggs are fine, I assume?"

"Yes, _mom_ ... Eggs are great! Raw's fine, just no shells!" Remus called over his shoulder as he took the bag of clothes into the bathroom. Janus rolled his eyes.

Logan started back up the stairs but turned to Janus one more time. "Thanks, Jan."

Janus smiled back and then mock-scowled, "I don't see you getting ready ..." Logan huffed out half a laugh and jogged up the stairs.

...

After Janus left and the two ate a quick breakfast, Remus drove Logan back over to Children's. Logan sat quietly in the passenger seat for several minutes, staring at the Parent Badge hanging on the lanyard around his neck. It felt official. Formal.

_Permanent._

Remus glanced over, noticing what had completely absorbed the other's attention. "Penis - I mean _penny_ for your thoughts?" Remus was pleased to get the tiniest of chuckles out of Logan.

"The psychiatrist last night wouldn't even give me an idea of when Virgil might be released. What if ...," Logan began.

"What if nothing," Remus quickly released one hand from the steering wheel, reached over and squeezed Logan's knee before bringing his right hand back to the wheel. "Focus on what's the next step. You're going to go see Virgil, and bring him his favorite drink from Starbucks, and sit together. Remind him what's happening on the outside and just _listen_ to him. Here," At the red light, Remus fished in one of his many jacket pockets and pulled out a small deck of playing cards. "Bring these, too. When all else fails, you've got Go Fish."

Logan stared at the cards in his hand. "How - ," he began, unsure what exactly he was asking. "How do you just _know_ how to handle all of this? What book did you read that told you how to help your friend whose child is suddenly - " Logan looked like he ate something sour " - _hospitalized_ like this?"

Remus considered the question for a moment. "I had a lot of friends who _struggled_ in college. The Game Design program wasn't all fun and games ... " Remus waggled his eyebrows at Logan to lampshade the bad pun. "It was a double major, very competitive, very high pressure." Remus spared a quick glance at Logan to see that the was watching him carefully. Remus quickly brought his eyes back to the road. "More than a few of my friends spent some time in one inpatient program or another, for varying amounts of time. At least half of my friends self-harmed in one way or another." Remus could see Logan rubbing a spot under his watchband again out of the corner of his eye and he felt his heart crack.

"It's just a lot of time spent in hospitals," Remus said once he could trust his voice.

"What helped _you_?," Logan asked at last. The penny dropped.

Remus sighed. "Time. Therapy. Some medication," Remus nodded slowly, turning his head for a moment to catch Logan's eyes. " _More_ time and therapy. Still medication." He let out a long breath through puffed cheeks. "It's less like treating a broken leg and much more like diabetes ... You don't ever really _heal._ It doesn't just go away. You ... learn how to manage it."

Remus knew how hard this must be to hear, but what Logan needed right now was truth and facts. And hope. "Virgil will learn, too. He's a good kid and he's got a father who ...," They had arrived. Remus pulled into a spot near an emergency phone, turning off the engine. He turned to face Logan full-on. Remus saw tears trailing down Logan's cheeks. "He's got an incredible father who'll do _anything_ for him. Virgil's gonna be alright."

Logan forced himself to stop crying, and looked at Remus, in shock and surprise and gratitude for the wisdom and the help. "I don't know how to thank you for ... everything here. I couldn't have managed this without you. I - " He swallowed back a sob. "I don't how to thank you."

Remus carefully wiped tears from Logan's cheek. "You just did, man." They smiled at each other, and Logan was the first break eye contact, looking down at his hands. Remus caught himself staring at the way Logan's eyelashes had caught his tears and quickly joked, "Oh, let me think ..." Remus slowly shimmied his shoulders as he stroked his mustache in mocked thoughtfulness. "I know. You could get Roman to stop trying to convince me to buy a house on Mercer Island. _He's_ the one who wants a boat slip, not me."

Remus noticed how Logan laughed far harder than the joke warranted, but he was happy to hear Logan's laugh just the same. They got out of the car and Remus took a picture of the parked car, including the lot color, level, and stall number in the frame. "I'll text this to you," he said to Logan. "Let me know how this visit goes. Please ask Virgil if he would like other visitors, as well. I'd be happy to come by."

"Thank you again, Remus." Remus put a soft hand on his arm and Logan's throat went dry at the warmth he felt coming off of Remus' gentle grip.

Remus grinned softly, "Anytime, Lo," and walked toward a bus stop headed for Downtown. Logan watched him go for a moment and then quickly ducked into the entrance to the Hospital.


	5. Happy Families

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW for this chapter: panic attack, some swearing, shouting, mentions of past injuries, a redacted slur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”  
> \- Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina (1878)

_Logan wakes early and starts downstairs. He is only halfway down the steps when he's greeted by the sound of Remus' infectious laughter. Logan feels a smile spread on his face before he can even register surprise._ Maybe Remy invited him over?, _he muses._ _Logan skips down the rest of the steps, rounds the corner and starts toward the living room when he freezes in his tracks at the sight before him._

_Remus is sitting on the couch and Patton sits near his feet, working on a snap circuit model, pieces spread around him. Remus is laughing again, one arm draped over the back of the couch. The other is draped around Kelly's shoulders, their fingers intertwined._

_"Patton," Kelly begins, a chill in her voice. Logan feels his breathing quicken at the familiar tone. "Patton, you're making a mess."_

_"Leave him alone! He's not bothering anyone!," Logan calls out, feet frozen to the floor. His voice comes out as a whisper._

_"Oh, hun, don't worry about it," Remus smiles and his voice is low and relaxed. He leans over and kisses Kelly on the cheek. He looks down at Patton. "You'll put everything away when you're done, right, buddy?" Patton nods happily and goes back to building his circuit._

_Kelly narrows her eyes at Remus and starts to cross her arms. Logan could feel his hands start to shake and he swallows hard, trying to find his voice._ No, no, no, no that's the last signal before she snaps. _"Just go! You don't belong here!," Logan tries to shout at her but no sound will come._

_Remus just looks at Kelly and grins, "Oh, come on, Kel! I got this. He's fine. Besides, later we can - " Remus leans closer and murmurs something near her ear. She blushes and suddenly opens her mouth in a quiet little gasp, then looks back at him, a small smile forming on her face.  
_

_Remus gives her one more hug and she relaxes into his side. "Oh, you're right. I'm just being too strict." She smiles happily up at Remus and then looks down at Patton. "Do you want to tell us about what you're building there, Patton?"_

_Instead of answering her, Patton turns and looks toward Logan, dark eyes staring right through him._

Logan jolted up in his bed, heart pounding and shaking all over. He swung his legs over the edge and flexed his toes in the thick pile of the rug beside his bed. His chest was tight and his breath caught in his throat. He rocked back and forth. _Five things, five things, five things, five things, what do I see?_ Logan tried to focus his eyes, fighting to breathe. "I see my hands. I see my pajamas ... " he whispered to himself. He looked down. "I see my ... toes." _Two more, two more, two more._ "I see the rug. I see the closet door."

 _Four things ... four things I ..._ Logan grit his teeth, trying to focus. _Four things I can feel._ "The rug. The blanket. My teeth against my cheek." Logan rubbed the back of his neck. "My - my hair."

 _Three things I can hear._ "I hear my voice." _\-- I hear Kelly's voice --_ Logan squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. "No no no. I hear _my_ voice. My voice ... I hear my breathing. I hear the fan from the heater." Logan felt his breathing and rocking slow just a bit.

 _Two things I can taste._ Logan kept whispering to himself. It was helping. "Toothpaste at the corner of my mouth. Blood." Logan could just start to consciously slow his breathing now. _One thing I can smell._ He pressed his shirt to his face. He breathed in deeply. "Dryer sheets." Logan sat for several more minutes at the edge of his bed until he could feel his breathing return to near-normal and his teeth stop chattering. He held his hands out in front of him and could only see the smallest of tremors. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and let it out. One more, then he nodded, and stood to start his day.

...

Logan heard footsteps coming down the stairs as he snapped down the lid on the coffee maker. He turned and smiled as Virgil sauntered in to the kitchen. "Happy New Year, Virge!"

Virgil smiled a crooked smile and gave a half hug to Logan, "Happy New Year, _again,_ Dad. You said that right after midnight last night, too" he grumbled mildly, still smiling. Logan would move the world for that smile. It was so good to see more of it lately.

Logan grinned evilly, straightening his tie in his best imitation of, well, himself. "As you may already be aware, the precise starting point of a new year is the subject of passionate disagreement and debate across various cultures. For instance, the Jewish New Year starts at sundown - "

"No, stop!," Virgil laughed. "It's too early in the morning for a lecture on comparative sociology and time metric ... stuff."

Logan smiled and pulled out a glass for Virgil and began to gather together the amber bottles of his medication. "Chocolate milk or regular?," he asked, standing at the refrigerator.

"Chocolate, please. Let's start the New Year sweet."

"I believe you opted to end the old year sweet, as well," Logan noted.

Virgil shrugged in mock dismissal. "What can I say, Dad? I'm consistent." He smiled a thanks to his dad as he handed him his morning pills and the glass of chocolate milk.

"Consistent?," Patton came running into the kitchen. "What's consistent?"

Virgil swallowed and chuckled. "You are, kiddo."

"I'm not a _kiddo_!" Patton's face grew bright pink. "I'm almost 12! _You're_ a kiddo! You're drinking _chocolate_ milk!"

Logan held up his hands to both boys, laughing and shaking his head. "First," he leaned in to hug Patton. "Happy New Year, Patton. Now, how about we consistently go get Remy and finish getting ready. Maybe then we can _stop_ being consistently late for events at Uncle Janus and Uncle Romans?"

"Oh, right ... I forgot we were going to visit today!" Patton bounced up and down on the balls of his feet, excited hands dancing at his sides. "Hey, do you think Remus will be there? I want to show him the new book I got for Christmas!"

Logan's throat constricted but kept a smile glued on his lips. _What's wrong with you, Logan? It was a dream. "_I expect so. He still hasn't found a house he likes."

Remy chose that moment to shuffle down the stairs. " _I_ think Remus just likes Romans' cooking but would rather die than admit it."

...

Several false starts, a lost boot, and, miraculously, only mild jockeying for "shotgun" later, Remy, Virgil, Patton, and Logan stood at Janus and Roman's doorstep, laden with New Year's champagne, orange juice, Doctor Who DVDs, and one oversized book on bio-luminescent sea creatures. Remy was closest to the doorbell and was about to ring when muffled shouting carried out to the front stoop.

 _"I can't believe you ... what I'm suggesting! ... a beautiful place and ... dry dock that year. This ... last chance to ... ,"_ Roman's voice sounded tense.

Janus' much deeper but louder voice rumbled through somewhat less distinctly. _"... getting out of hand. ... we're even fighting .... I'm merely suggesting ... extravagant ..."_

Remy's eyes were wide when he looked at Logan. "Dad? Should we ...," Remy swallowed and started to step away from the door.

Logan squared his shoulders and pushed his glasses back up his nose. "I'm sure it's n-nothing." He pressed a smile onto his face as he looked at his sons' faces, all turned toward him. He took a deep breath and pressed the bell.

The voices inside suddenly grew quiet. In a few moments, Roman opened the door with a flourish, "Happy New Year, dear Sanders Clan! Welcome to 2020!"

There were hugs all around as Logan eyed Roman carefully. _He seemed fine._ However, Logan was well acquainted with how to make it look like everything was fine when reality was far from it. As they made their way deeper into the hall and started to get DVDs and the book placed on the coffee table and beverages tucked away into the refrigerator, Remus moved a little closer to Logan, his eyes narrowed, watching Logan and the boys carefully.

"Howdy, Lo, Happy New Year!" Remus greeted. The tone was casual, the use of the nickname was not. "You ... ok?"

Logan blinked twice and nodded, adjusted his glasses. "Of course. Happy New Year to you, as well. Excuse me for just a moment while I - " Logan's voice starts to crack. He turns and makes his way to the living room to attempt to bring order the chaos of his son's DVDs. Remus watched him for a moment before feeling someone step closer to him. He turned to see Remy fidgeting.

"Remy! Happy New Year! C'mon, come help me in the kitchen."

...

"Ok, man, fess up. What's got you and your dad so spooked?" Remus launched himself onto the kitchen counter and sat, swinging his legs back and forth. He patted the counter top next to him

Remy sighed but copied Remus' motion. He looked at Remus, about to shrug, but instead slouched and let out another deep sigh, mumbling, "We heard Uncle Janus and Uncle Roman yelling at each other."

Remus' brows knit together and he squinted, trying to remember a fight. He shook his head slightly, "Wha - When did this happen?"

Remy brushed his long bangs out of his eyes, "Just now, man. Right before we rang the bell."

He thought some more before suddenly exclaiming, "Ohhhh!" Remus' face bloomed in understanding. He wrapped an arm around Remy's shoulders and squeezed. "Yeah, they were getting kinda loud, but they're not actually mad at each other." Remus saw that Remus was avoiding meeting his eyes and his shoulders felt _tense._ "Hmmm... I'm thinking ... " Remus took a breath as Remy finally looked him in the eyes. "I'm thinking overhearing your uncles shouting might have brought back some pretty crappy memories, huh?" _For you and your dad, I bet,_ Remus thought to himself.

Remy's eyes grew even wider and he froze, fidgeting hands suddenly completely still in his lap. "Yeah," he finally whispered. "How did you know?"

"It's the green hair. I can read your thoughts." Remy side-eyed him. Remus sighed a little, "It happens more than you'd think." Remus tugged at his mustache a bit before taking a deep breath and continuing. "When you've seen people you care about, people you love ... having really bad fights, it can make it hard to not feel the same things the next time you're around something that sounds a little bit like it." Remus met Remy's eyes again. "Does that make sense?"

Remy swallowed and nodded. "Yeah, yeah it does."

Remus leapt down from the counter. "C'mon, let's go talk to everybody. Let's get this out in the open." Remy looked uncertain. Remus fixed his eyes on the boy. "If you and your dad are this concerned about something, it's worth talking about." He kept his eyes locked on the other. Remus nodded, "Don't you think?," he asked.

Remy hesitated. "I don't want Uncle Janus or Uncle Roman to be mad that we were listening." Remus smiled gently and nodded again.

"Then all they have to know is that _I_ think they were probably getting a little too loud and that they've got some _'splainin'_ to do." Remus winked at Remy. "Yeah?"

Remy smiled and winked back, nodding. "Yeah." He hopped down off the counter and wandered into the living room with Remus.

"Hey, Nerds!," Remus called out, winking to the three boys hovering near their dad and bowing to the four of them with a flourish. "And dudes." He turned back to Roman and Janus who were seated next to each other on the couch. "Oi, you two. We need to have a little extended family chat." Logan met Remus' eyes for a moment, eyebrows raised in a question. Remus grinned, speaking softly to Logan, "It's all good, I promise."

"You've captured our attention, Remus. The floor is yours...," Janus murmured, gesturing to the room.

"Neat! I've always liked this floor." Roman tapped his foot in a show of impatience. "A-ny-way. It appears that your little _disagreement_ just a while ago potentially sounded considerably more venomous from the outside than it did to those of us on the inside." Roman and Janus shared matching expressions of confusion, brows furrowed, small frowns on their lips. Remus scoffed. "I'm saying that your old married couple _airquotes_ **discussion** was so loud it could be heard outside." He looked pointedly at the aforementioned married couple and gestured with his eyes at the obvious tense body language of the eldest Sanders.

Roman was the first to catch on. "Oh, honeys, we're not _really_ fighting!," He rushed over to the group and started pulling the boys and then Logan in for a crushing hug. He turned back to look at Janus, smiling, "Will you explain? I've got my arms full."

Janus stood, looking embarrassed. "I am very sorry we worried you all." He raised a hand as Logan opened his mouth to protest, looking right into his eyes. _How could he have missed the fear in his best friend's eyes like that?_ Janus shook the thought from his head and smiled, placing a hand over his heart. "I am very sorry. Yes, we were likely _caring very loudly_ at each other," Remus and Patton both giggled at the Parks and Rec reference, "But we're not actually angry." Janus sighed a bit, a blush creeping up his face. He licked his lips and paused, finally explaining. "We were discussing whether to plan a big, _rather over the top_ party for our ninth wedding anniversary." He smiled apologetically at Logan, who sighed out a little laugh.

Roman had remained quiet for as long as he possibly could, "There's this big beautiful tall ship that does event rentals where we can have a grand party and dress up and -" He paused, blushing a little. "I'm a little excited about it. You were saying, Janus?"

Janus laughed, smiling adoringly at his husband. "But the ship will be in dry dock for our _tenth_ anniversary, which is a more ... traditional anniversary for a large event."

"I'm ...," Logan began, unsure how to proceed. "Can I just say we're ... relieved? And," Logan shrugged a little, hands outstretched. He looked at each of his sons, seeing the excitement in their eyes. "And that if there's anything we can help you with, you've got a little army of helpers right here."

Roman walked back to where Janus was standing and beamed. "Have we sold you yet?"

Janus closed his eyes, smirked and then suddenly dipped Roman in a kiss. "I suppose you've successfully sold me, my dear," he muttered, shaking his head.

Patton and Remy erupted in cheers. Logan laughed and caught Remus watching him with unreadable eyes. Logan looked away as he felt his entire face erupt in a blush.

...

After brunch was finished, everyone gathered in the living room. Doctor Who played quietly on the television. Patton, Remy, and Remus were sprawled on the floor, murmuring to each other, turning pages in Patton's new book. Virgil and Janus sat on the couch, engrossed in the episode. Roman looked suspiciously close to dozing off next to them. Logan sat in front of the coffee table, thumbing through the new goal planner Remus gifted him as a late Christmas present.

Logan's phone rang. He looked up in surprise. Every one of his starred contacts were gathered in that room. The only other number that could break through his do-not-disturb settings would be -- Logan looked down at his phone and swallowed hard. _King County Adult Corrections Facility_ appeared on his caller ID. Hands shaking, Logan pressed the answer button and rose quickly, moving to the kitchen so he wouldn't disturb the others.

Remus, who _also_ knew about Logan's starred contact list, heard Logan's phone ring and noticed his sudden escape to the kitchen. He sat up, watching closely.

A recording played through the earpiece. " _This is a collect call from **It's Kelly let me talk to my children** at King County Adult Corrections Facility. Do you accept the charges?"_

Logan breath hitched painfully in his chest, "Yes, I accept." Logan paused for a moment to let the call finish connecting. "Good afternoon, Kelly," he said as neutrally as he could manage.

"Brrr. If I'd know I'd get such an icy reception from you I would have worn an extra sweater."

"I am merely surprised by your call. We haven't heard from you in nearly a year. I will see if the boys are available."

"Oh come off it, Logan. I know you're not busy. It's New Year's Day. Your little gay friends are probably over, nursing hangovers with hair-of-the-dog mimosas, the boys are watching Doctor Who and you're fucking around with a new datebook." Her voice growled over the fuzzy connection. " _I know you._ Just put my boys on, there's a line behind me for the phone."

Logan adjusted his glasses and moved further into the kitchen before taking a deep breath and responded quietly. "Kelly, I would appreciate a bit more resp-"

"Are you trying to prevent me from speaking to my own children?," Kelly interrupted.

He bit the inside of his cheek and slowly breathed out through his nose. "No, of course not. That would not be in compliance with our agreed upon parenting plan. Just one moment, I'm putting you on speaker phone." Logan pressed at the screen on his phone, holding it out as he walked closer to the couch. "Boys ...," He waited until they had paused the DVD and he had their attention. "Your mother is on the phone and would like to wish you a Happy New Year."

Remy made a sour face at the phone. Patton grabbed the phone from Logan's hand, shouting, "Mom! Hi, Guess what? I have a new book on undersea creatures and bio-luminescence and it's _really_ cool."

"Mm-hm. that sounds really nice, honey," Kelly's voice murmured from the phone's speaker. Janus' eyes shot daggers at the phone in Patton's hands but he stayed silent. Instead he moved a little closer to Logan on the couch.

"Yeah, and there's a giant poster of an angler fish in the middle that I'm going to take out and put up on my ceiling,"

"Uh-huh," Kelly murmured.

"It's gonna be _so_ cool. And Remus said he knows where we can get some glow in the dark paint to make the lure glow in the dark, too!"

Logan held his breath as he waited for the explosion of questions from Kelly. _"Who's Remus?" _

The explosion never came. "Hmm. yeah, that sounds really cool, honey." Logan realized she wasn't actually listening to Patton's words and he felt his heart constrict. "Hey, honey, is Virgil around? Or Remy?"

Patton looked up at his brothers. Remy shook his head. Virgil frowned but answered, "Hi, Mom. How's the Slammer?" Remy choked back a laugh. Logan looked over at Remus, who was similarly red-faced, covering a chuckle. Virgil smirked.

"Is that how you greet your mother?" Kelly's voice was dangerously low.

"It's just a joke, Mom." Virgil shrugged at the others, rolling his eyes. "How are you doing?"

"I miss you all so much." Logan's jaw tightened as he looked at conflicting emotions wash over his sons' faces.

"Yeah, we miss you, too," Virgil muttered. Remy remained silent.

"Yeah, Mom, when you get out I'll show you all the new posters I put up." Patton jumped back in to the conversation. "Hey, and maybe you can help us plant a tree in the backyard to the replace the one that fell during the big storm! We're going -"

"Listen, honey, my time is up. I need to go now. Kisses to everyone! I love yo-" Remy reached over and hit the 'end call' button. He raised an eyebrow at his dad, _I know you wanted to_ ... clearly painted across his face.

The boys stared at each other as Patton quietly returned Logan's phone to his hand. Logan opened his arms and Patton dove in for a hug. Logan looked up at Remy and Virgil, "Free hugs, right here!" Both boys joined the hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Patton started to fidget. Janus, Roman, and Remus shared a look, each wondering what to do about the growing tension flowing off of Logan in waves.

Remus spoke first. "You know what ..." he drawled slowly. "I just so _happen_ to know where there's a top secret new game that needs some alpha testers ..."

He'd barely gotten the words out before the boys erupted in excitement. Patton, as usual, found his voice first. "What? You're working on a new game? Please can we see it? We swear we won't tell anyone! We swear, we swear, we swear!" Remus laughed.

"Oh, I didn't think you boys would be interested." Remus teased, drawing out his words, keeping one eye on Logan. "Well, if you _really_ want to take pity on an old game dev, I feel almost _obligated_ to share it with you ... Brother, dear, would be at all willing to take the boys downstairs and show them the game in the PS5?"

This time, Virgil's eyes grew wide. "No way, dude. You have a PS5 already? It hasn't been released yet! Let's go!"

Remus touched his brother's arm as he passed, whispering "thank you," in his ear. Roman gestured grandly as if to say "of course!"

"C'mon you little gamers. Let's go check out my brother's new game. Five bucks to whoever finds the first bug!" Roman looked back at Remus, Janus, and Logan and bowed with a flourish, closing the door to the staircase behind him.

...

The moment the door closed, Logan collapsed into a chair. He couldn't rid his mind of the sight of his boys gathered around a _cell phone_ , talking to their locked up mother. This wasn't how he'd planned it. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. 

"Did I miscalculate?," he finally asked. Remus and Janus exchanged a glance over Logan's head. Logan looked up at the two of them, head swiveling between their faces. Remus saw how his jaw muscles were flexing, fighting to keep control. Logan swallowed. "I'm asking this genuinely. Did I miscalculate?" Logan looked cautiously at Remus, images from his earlier nightmare flashing across his vision. "Should I have just tried harder? Found - found a better way to manage ... Maybe ... maybe if _I_ had been stronger I wouldn't have ...," Logan tried to slow his breathing, counting breaths in and out. Finally he blurted out, "Maybe if I was stronger, I wouldn't have broken up my family."

"Oh, Lo," Remus murmurs, "You didn't break up your family, that nasty ass Kelly did."

Logan rubbed the back of his neck at the sound of her name. Janus noticed. "Logan," he said carefully, "how did you get the scar you're touching right now?" Logan froze as Remus whipped his head around. He'd also picked up on Logan's nervous tic of rubbing the back of his neck when he talked about Kelly, but he'd never noticed a scar.

He slowly lowered his hand onto his lap. "You know how I got it, Jan," Logan's voice was low.

"Yes, I do," Janus paused for a moment, choosing his next words carefully. "I know how you got it because I'm the one who brought you to the hospital that night because you didn't want to scare the boys with an ambulance arriving at their home." Janus' eyes burned with tears as he looked into Logan's eyes. "I need _you_ to say it," he said quietly.

Remus sat down next to Logan and held out his hand, hoping Logan would take it.

Logan closed his eyes and lowered his head, but held Remus' hand. He took a short breath, "I was injured when the back of my head struck the edge of our coffee table."

Janus raised an eyebrow. "After?"

He swallowed and cleared his throat, voice still quiet and now a little husky. Remus noticed how Logan had slipped into his ultra-formal word patterns and could see how his jaw trembled. "After Kelly shoved me during an altercation regarding my late arrival home from a Bar Association conference." Logan stared down at his lap, refusing to meet either man's eyes.

"And what about the scar on your left palm?," Janus continued quietly. Remus made a small choked sound but didn't interrupt.

Logan looked down at the hand holding Remus'. He could see the faint line on his ring finger where the burn had spread all the way around, the searing heat conducted by the metal of his wedding ring. Logan took a measured breath. "That scar is from an incident in which Kelly threatened to burn herself with a hot curling iron and I attempted to prevent her from doing so."

Janus reached over and carefully touched the side of Logan's cheekbone, near his right eye. "And what about this scar?," he whispered.

He turned his face away, trying to hide from their view and the memory, but he answered Janus' question. "That scar -," Logan's voice wavered. He swallowed and tried again. "That scar is from the time Kelly threw a law book at me. It struck my face and broke my glasses." Logan squeezed his eyes shut but he couldn't block out her voice. _" ... You care more about those fucking **** than you do about me! ... "_

Janus gently turned Logan's face back toward him and met his eyes. "Lo, this is what abusers do. If she had thrown a textbook at your face on the first day you met, you would have called campus security and never had another thing to do with her," Janus bit the inside of his lip and then continued. "But when she did it to you thirteen years into your marriage, _you_ apologized to _her_." He took a careful breath before speaking again. "Logan ... even before she began to hurt you _physically_ ...," Janus shook his head. "Lo, I've heard the things she would say to you. And when she wasn't belittling you, she would try to bait you into a fight ... "

Logan closed his eyes and Kelly's voice filled his head.

_" ... Oh, brother, Mr. Snowflake SJW over here ... You know I didn't mean it ... "  
" ... If you really loved me ... "  
" ... How could you say that to me? ... "  
" ... Dammit, Logan, just **man up already!** ... "_

"Lo ... ?" Remus' quiet voice brought him back to the present. Logan opened his eyes to see Janus and Remus looking at him with worried eyes. He fought to control the tremble in his mouth. "Lo, we're here with you. You're safe." Remus turned to Janus. "Back off, Jan, ok? He's had enough."

"No. No, he's right," Logan drew in a shaky breath, held it, and slowly let it out. "Janus, you're right."

"What we're trying to say here, Lo, is that **_you were right_**. You were right to get out when you did." Janus crouched in front of Logan and leaned close to wrap his arms around him. "You think you needed to be _stronger?_ You've already been _so strong,_ Lo. You have survived _so much_. You did everything you could to protect yourself and your sons and when you couldn't protect them there anymore, **you got out**." Remus nodded, gently squeezing Logan's hand between his own.

Janus looked up at him and waited until Logan met his eyes. " _You did the right thing._ She showed you who she really is time after time after time. She's still doing it. She did it again today. Yes ...," Janus nodded, "She's clearly _broken_. But it's not your job to fix her and it's certainly not your job to get hurt trying to do it."

Remus carefully squeezed Logan's hand again. "Lo?" He waited for Logan to turn and face him. "Lo, maybe ... maybe it's time to find somebody whose job is to help you fix _you_."


	6. A Pleasure to Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It was a pleasure to burn."  
> \- Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)

Logan swung his towel over his shoulders and answered the door. Remus stood on the doorstep, grinning widely. He wore his usual leather jacket over bike shorts and what looked like an old triathlon jersey. A bicycle was tucked away in the corner of the porch. "Trick or treat!," he called out.

"Remus!," Logan smiled. "What a nice surprise! Oh, I haven't forgotten an appointment, have I?," he asked, wincing.

Remus chuckled, "Ah, Lo, you couldn't forget an appointment if you tried and you know it. No, this is just me, standing in front of you ... " Remus bowed, arms opening widely as the rest of that line from _Notting Hill_ died on his tongue. "... oh-so-rudely showing up unannounced and a week early for Halloween!" he finished at last.

Logan laughed, "I'm really quite glad you stopped by. However I must ask - did you _bike_ all the way here? Across the lake?" Remus shrugged and nodded with a wild smile. Logan's eyes widened. "Please, come in. Let me get you some water at least ... " He closed the door behind them and quickly filled two water glasses in the kitchen. Logan suddenly remembered what he was doing before the doorbell rang and he called to Remus, who was already heading into the living room. "You've caught me in the middle of - "

"Oooo, he's hot!" Remus whistled from the living room, where Logan's paused yoga instruction video was displayed on the television.

Logan's face burned. "In the middle of yoga." He took a breath as he approached the screen. Remembering the water glasses he'd brought from the kitchen, he handed one to Remus. Logan took a sip of his own, using it to find a moment to recover. "I've found that It can be beneficial to select yoga models whose physical proportions closely match your own. It dramatically improves one's ability to properly match the poses."

"Mm-hmm," Remus hummed knowingly and grinned, tilting his head and swaying his hips from side to side to music only he could hear. "That sounds to me like a whole lotta SAT words trying to explain away why it's hot is to watch a yoga video with a guy who looks like you."

Logan slowly let out the breath he was holding. He squinted his eyes at Remus. "Have you ever actually _tried_ yoga?"

"Hmmm... are you asking me how flexible I am?," Remus winked and Logan fought to keep a straight face.

"Actually," Logan cleared his throat, "I was offering to restart this video so that you could join me from the beginning. I have another mat, as well as blocks and straps," He forced away the quick smile that escaped at Remus's suggestive eyebrow waggle at the mention of straps, "In case you need accommodations for the poses," he added.

"Oh, a _challenge_ ... I see." Remus made a show of looking Logan up and down. "You're on, Nerdy Wolverine."

...

Twenty-five minutes later, they were on their third cycle of warrior poses and Remus' muscles were trembling under the strain. Sweat poured down his face and chest and back. "And now breathe out as you soften your face and reach your left arm to the sky to slide into _Peaceful Warrior_ ... " Remus breathed out in relief as he shifted, exchanging one set of protesting muscles for another. He twisted his head a bit and caught sight of Logan ... actually looking like a Peaceful Warrior. His form was near-perfect. He looked completely relaxed, and moved with a gentle grace Remus wouldn't have anticipated based on Logan's many nervous tics. Remus started a mental tally of those tics to distract himself from the growing burning in his front leg. There were the three different ways Logan would adjust his glasses. He had two distinct eyebrow raises. And when Remus said something particularly distracting - or _fun_ \- Logan would blush and pinch the bridge of his nose to hide it.

Logan cleared his throat. _The gentle throat clear!_ , Remus thought. He looked down. "We're on a new pose, Remus. It's time for floor poses."

He waggled his eyebrows, "Oh, all you had to do was ask!"

Logan cleared this throat again, a small smile playing on his lips. _That was the nervous throat clear..._ "On your own mat, Remus."

"Oh, you're right ... maybe later." Remus laughed at the quiet huff that sounded from the other mat.

Halfway through the floor poses, Remus was ready to drop. That's when he noticed that Logan appeared to struggle a bit more with the floor work. His face no longer looked quite as poised. Remus grinned wickedly. "Now, Logan, it doesn't look like you're softening your face." Instead of scowling, Logan's face broke out in a wide grin, a short _giggle_ escaping his lips.

_" 'Gasp,' "_ Remus said aloud, face shaped in mock outrage, "Was that a giggle? There's no _giggling_ in yoga. Only softened faces and a gentle opening of your heartspace, whatever the fuck that's supposed to be."

Logan started openly laughing and they both missed the instruction to move from downward facing dog to a plank. He looked up, realizing their error. "Perhaps we should attempt to focus for five more minutes?," Logan said, visibly forcing down his laughter. "The session is nearly complete."

Remus quietly followed the next few poses. He lost all ability to focus, though, when the instructor said to "breath deeply as you feel the opening of your pelvic region" and this time _Logan_ interjected with a quiet, "Frankly, that sounds more like something _you_ would say, Remus." Remus snorted and lost his grip on his ankles. "Oh, good you're getting ready for svasana. It _is_ the next pose," Logan added in a helpful tone belied by a wink. Remus thought he must be imagining things - _Did Logan just wink at him!?_

Logan had set a relatively long ten minutes for the svasana pose. This was the one yoga move that Remus knew in English and actually enjoyed - the _corpse pose_. He laid on his back and relaxed.

Logan, on the other hand, was anything _but_ relaxed. Without the verbal instructions overpowering the background tracks, the peaceful music seemed to swell around them, cradling Logan in his spiraling thoughts. _What in the Universe was he thinking?_ What had possessed him to _wink_ at Remus? Why had he made that suggestive comment? Of course, Remus flirted _constantly_ ... and that was fine. Once the shock of it all wore off, Logan had to admit to himself that it was a tiny part of what made hanging out with Remus so enjoyable. Remus clearly could be serious, as well, when the situation warranted. In fact, Logan had observed that Remus had a certain wisdom, and could be incredibly thoughtful and insightful and, truly caring and sweet, but he also had that silly, sexy streak that made Logan feel warm all over and -

Logan's eyes snapped open. He sat up. He had completely lost control of his thoughts. He grabbed his towel and stood up. "I -," Logan cleared his throat, "I am going to change. Please make yourself at home, Remus. I will return shortly." He started up the stairs but turned around, "I can bring you some clothes to change into, as well. You're welcome to use the guest bathroom down here if you wish to - " Logan paused, swallowing, "If you wish."

Remus grinned but noted Logan's sudden discomfort, so he shut down the barrage of innuendo that popped into his head. "That would be great, thank you." Logan turned and ran back up the stairs.

Remus turned off the video and moved to refill his water glass. He was still in the kitchen when Logan returned with a small bundle of neatly folded clothes. He avoided looking directly at Remus and placed them on the counter. "I believe these will fit you properly," he said and quickly disappeared through the doorway and back up the stairs.

Logan silently cursed himself with each step. _Careless. What do you think you're doing? He's going to get the wrong idea about you!_ He suddenly recalled his father's voice ...

_Logan had been playing tag with the boy next door, his best friend since the age of three. Logan was 'it' and had finally caught up to him, tackling his friend in a hug, rolling around in the grass. Both boys laughed excitedly. His father had called from the other side of the yard. "Boys, you shouldn't play like that. You don't want folks getting the wrong idea about you."_

He froze at the top of the stairs and counted out a slow, deep breath. He entered his room, pulling out his therapy journal and writing down both the memory and what he had been thinking about when it occurred. A few months ago, his therapist had recommended recording when he caught himself spiraling so they could talk about it together. He dated the page and was surprised that this was the first entry in nearly three weeks. Logan then shook his head. _You have company. Snap out of it._ He closed the book - literally and figuratively - and started his shower.

...

Downstairs, Remus had already finished washing up and changing. It was quiet in the house and he could just make out the sound of Logan's shower running upstairs. He wrapped a clean towel around his dripping curls and wandered around Logan's living room. Floor-to-ceiling shelves lined the walls around and behind the couch. Remus had never really noticed before just how many books were on display. "Damn, Lo," Remus whispered to himself. "You've got a bigger library than some schools." Remus looked over each shelf, noticing how the books were meticulously organized - by subject for non-fiction, by genre and then author for fiction. Remus was surprised to find a small section of computer science books. Most looked rather old and two had faded UW bookstore stickers. One slim book stood out to Remus.

He pulled the book off the shelf and could hardly believe his eyes. _Since when had Logan had a copy of this?_ _I don't even have a copy of this anymore. It's out of print. _Remus read the familiar words on the front cover: **Beyond Unity Game Engine Physics: Building Other Universes, by Remus Prince**.

Remus thumbed through the book. Logan had clearly read at least parts of it, with penciled notes in his tiny handwriting in several of the margins. Impulsively, Remus grabbed a pen from the coffee table and wrote an inscription inside the front cover. Remus replaced the book on the shelf before he could think too hard about what he'd just done.

He was still perusing the collection of books when Logan finally returned. Remus looked up when he heard the floorboards creak. He could see that Logan appeared considerably less tense than he had been when he'd first retreated upstairs. Remus smiled, tilted his head toward the shelves and joked, "You sure do have a lot of books about being a lawyer ..."

Logan laughed, picking up the punchline. "Well, yeah, they make you take a course. Otherwise they don't let you do it." He laughed again, the sound trailing off as he registered at least three potential misinterpretations of the reference. Logan looked down and pulled off his glasses to polish away the condensation that had re-formed on them after his shower. He replaced the frames on his face and looked at Remus, "Are you hungry? I can prepare us some lunch."

...

"It's quiet around here ... where are all your little Mini-Logans today?" Remus hummed into his after-lunch tea. Logan had convinced him that Matcha was the ideal post-yoga beverage. Remus had trouble disagreeing with him.

Logan chuckled at Remus' nickname for his sons. "They're all out." He shrugged, looking around the kitchen and out into the living room, registering just how quiet the house could be when the boys weren't around. "Remy's on campus. Virgil is running sound at the high school musical matinee, and Patton is spending the day at a friend's house." Logan nodded again, smiling at Remus. "I'm truly pleased you came over." He took a sip of his own tea. "It's certainly been a while ... how have you been doing?"

"Damn right it's been a while! I guess _somebody's_ just been too busy with therapy to hang out much." Remus fake-pouted in a perfect impression of his brother.

Logan opened his mouth to apologize when Remus cut him off with a hand on his arm. "Oh, no, Lo ... Don't look so ashamed. I'm totally kidding." Logan looked up and saw the sincerity swimming through Remus' expression. Logan's jaw unclenched and Remus grinned softly. "I'm so glad you've found a therapist you click with." He shook his head, "Believe me, I know how hard that can be."

Logan let out the breath he'd been holding and returned Remus' smile. _Of course Remus would understand, how could he have doubted?_

"So how has it been going? You seem ..." Remus paused, considering his words. _Calmer? Less nervous? No longer about to shatter into a million pieces at the crap load of trauma life has decided to dump on your head over the past decade?_ "You seem more relaxed," Remus finally said.

Logan considered Remus' words. He adjusted his glasses and nodded. "Yes, I suppose I am feeling more relaxed," Logan knew it was the truth. It had been at least two months since his last full panic attack. _Perhaps_ , he mused, _perhaps I'm feeling a little too relaxed._

"A - about that, Remus." Logan stared down into his cup. "I feel I must apologize for my behavior earlier today." Logan paused for a moment, uncertain how best to address the topic.

Remus scoffed, "What behavior do _you_ have to apologize for?," He smiled in confusion. "Inviting me into your home and offering me water and an impromptu yoga lesson when I showed up on your doorstep completely unannounced? Or for when you _literally_ gave me the shirt off your back so I wouldn't have to waltz around your lovely home in my own sweaty gear?"

At first, Logan wasn't sure how to respond. "I wasn't actually wearing that shirt when I gave it to you," he finally muttered with a tiny smile. Remus stared at him, eyebrow raised. "It was only _figuratively_ the shirt off my back."

Remus grinned over his tea cup and mimed tipping his hat to Logan. "Touché, my dear sir, touché."

Logan straightened in his chair and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "What I intended to say was ...," He worried his bottom lip briefly with his teeth before continuing. "I intended to apologize for my ... _inappropriateness_ at the end of our yoga session. I ... I shouldn't have - " Logan opened his mouth but he simply couldn't force the words to emerge.

Remus set down his cup and smiled a little sadly. "Logan, are you trying to apologize for flirting back?"

Eyes closed and lips pressed into a single, small line, Logan tilted his head down toward his lap and nodded sharply.

There was a nearly interminably long silence before Remus spoke again. "Logan, can you look at me, please?" Logan opened his eyes and looked up toward the man in front of him. He met Remus' eyes reluctantly, wary of the anger or annoyance or scorn that he was certain would be waiting there for him. He was unprepared to see Remus' eyes shining with unshed tears. "Logan, listen to me. I don't want you to _ever_ feel like you have to apologize for being yourself around me, ok?"

Logan was about to respond when the doorbell rang. Blinking in surprise, his eyes broke away from Remus'. "Excuse me, I'll ... I'll be right back," he muttered quickly before practically sprinting to the door. Remus sighed deeply, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand and sipping his tea, waiting for Logan to return. He could hear Logan speaking with someone whose voice he didn't recognize, and then there was a faint beeping followed by Logan thanking whoever it was. Remus shrugged to himself, thinking it sounded like a delivery. He looked up as Logan returned to the kitchen, an envelope with a green certified mail label wrapped over the top. Logan stared down at the envelope like it had fangs.

He swallowed, gripping the envelope so tightly that his fingertips paled. "It's from the court," he said at last, eyes fixed on the envelope.

Remus rose and walked over to Logan, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Were you expecting anything from them?," he asked softly, doubting the answer would be yes. Logan merely shook his head. Remus nodded slowly, "Well, let's rip this Schrödinger's envelope open and see what's inside." Logan didn't move and just continued to stare at the envelope as though trying to read through to the letter inside. Remus slowly held out his hand. "Can I help?"

He looked up and nodded, handing Remus the envelope. Logan ran a hand through his hair, gripping the back of his neck as soon as he relinquished the letter. Holding the envelope by the edges, Remus sharply tapped one short end of the envelope on the counter a few times, like a pack of cigarettes. He then ripped off the opposite edge. He carefully pulled out the letter inside and handed it to Logan to read.

Logan accepted the letter, unfolding it and reading the templated words. He frowned and furrowed his brow, then read it again. His mouth dropped open for a moment before he looked up at Remus. "They're notifying me that Kelly's been released from jail and that she's left the state." Logan's face looked drained of blood, eyes drawn back to the printed words. "And that she's permanently relinquished all parental rights." Logan looked up at Remus with wide eyes. "She doesn't want any further contact with the boys."

...

For the next ten minutes, Remus perched on the couch as he watched Logan silently pace from one end of the living room to the other. When it became clear that Logan wasn't burning off the anxious energy - in fact, it seemed to Remus that Logan's movements had gradually become increasingly frantic with each passing minute. Finally, he called out in a low voice, "Logan? Logan, do you want to come sit next to me?"

Logan stopped pacing at the sound of his voice and jerked his head up and over to the couch. His eyes were wild and rimmed in red, and Remus could see that Logan had been gnawing at his own lips. For a moment he looked surprised to see Remus, as if he'd temporarily forgotten that he was there. "How could she do this to them?," he whispered to Remus. "How could she just leave ... forever ... and not even say goodbye to her own children?"

Remus stood and walked over to Logan, gently guiding him over to the couch. He waited a few minutes to see if Logan would speak again. Logan slouched down against the back of the couch. If Remus hadn't seen Logan twist himself into a pretzel earlier that morning, he would have thought that Logan's spine couldn't even bend that much. "Virgil was starting to do so well ... what's it going to do to him to know that his mother ... that his mother doesn't want -," Logan's voice gave out and he just stared at the ceiling.

"Lo, look at me. We're going to figure this out, ok?" Logan slowly looked over at Remus. "Let's think this through ... we can do that, right?" Logan nodded slowly. "Does the letter say you need to take any actions?"

Logan shook his head slowly, sitting up. "No, it's a form letter with boxes checked to provide the notifications required by statute." Remus smiled - Logan's lawyer brain was activating.

He nodded, "Ok." Remus thought some more. "Are you still seeing the family therapist together?"

Logan nodded more quickly. "Yes, yes we are. Yes, I'll call her ... and we can talk to the boys together in a session." Remus' smile grew. "I'll call her on Monday to ensure she's prepared." He drew in a shaky breath. "So much for being more relaxed," he whispered to Remus, a short high-pitched noise escaping his throat.

Remus nodded and looked out the window at the large tree limb that had fallen over from the neighbor's yard during the last wind storm. His eyes sparkled as he looked at Logan. "I know something that will get your mind off all this." Logan looked back at Remus with questioning eyes. "Got an axe?"

...

It was long, hard work and the sun was setting by the time they'd gotten most of the limb - _more like a medium tree,_ Logan thought - chopped into manageable pieces. They'd used some of the wood to start a small bonfire in Logan's under-used fire pit. Remus grabbed another armload of shortened branches, preparing to toss them onto the flames. Logan looked up from where he was chopping the last of the fallen limb and realized too late, "Remus, wait - those are green! They have enough moisture that they might spark if you put them all on - "

Remus had just finished tossing the armload onto the fire and was slowly turning to Logan, hearing only half of his warning. Just then the fire burst up in a shower of sparks, hitting Remus's hand, arm, chest, and face.

**_"REMUS!,"_** Logan shouted and dropped the ax to the ground and ran the twenty feet that separated them. Remus had flinched around and down, turning his back to the fire, his leather jacket catching the rest of the sparks that burst from the flames. "Remus, Remus, are you hurt?" Logan's voice was high and tight as he reached out for Remus' arm.

Remus straightened, smiled, and turned to face Logan. He shook his head a bit, "No damage done, Lo. I'm fine..."

Logan felt something unlock in his chest at Remus' words and the reassuring smile on his face. As Logan looked more closely, though, he could see redness forming in patches along the right side of his face, and another trail down his neck. Logan gently reached for Remus' right hand and could see redness forming on the back of his hand, as well. Logan's brow tightened as he assessed the damage. "I think you may have some first degree burns," he looked up into Remus' eyes. "You need treatment." His eyes swiveled to the fire. "We shouldn't leave the bonfire unattended." He looked around the backyard and his eyes landed on the patio table. He led Remus over to a chair and he firmly pressed down on his shoulders, "Sit here. I will return with supplies."

Remus had started to feel the sting of the burns on his face and hand, but was still smiling. He nodded, "Sir, yes, sir." Logan furrowed his brow, concerned he'd been steamrolling the man. Remus placed his uninjured hand on Logan's forearm, saying more quietly, "Thank you, I'll wait here."

Logan looked back at Remus' eyes and seeing no anger or irritation, he nodded, and turned back toward the house.

Once inside, Logan worked quickly, scrubbing his hands clean, then gathering two large bowls of cold water, placing a half dozen ice cubes in each. He retrieved the first aid kit from where he'd recently returned it to its usual home under the sink - three months ago, Virgil's therapist had recommended beginning to ease some of the restrictions in his safety plan, allowing them to keep the kit unsecured. Logan pulled open a drawer and grabbed a handful of clean, soft cloths. He tugged the strap of the first aid kit over his shoulder, draped the cloths over one arm, picked up both bowls of ice water, and headed back out to Remus.

When Logan stepped out on the patio, grateful he'd had the foresight to leave open the screen, he looked over at Remus. He was still seated, watching the fire as the sun set. The darkening sky and flickering lights from the flames worked together to make Remus' eyes seem to dance in the shifting light. Remus looked up at him, a small smile on his face. "See, I'm fine, still here ..."

Blowing out a quick breath, Logan nodded twice, "Very good." He cleared his throat and set down the bowls of ice water on the table next to Remus. Logan quickly placed Remus' injured hand in the closest bowl. Avoiding his eyes, Logan looked closely at the side of Remus' face. His lips turned down in a scowl as he realized the darkening sky was going to make a proper examination difficult. Remembering where they were, Logan reached up to turn on the light under the patio umbrella threaded through the table. Remus winced at the sudden brightness. Logan looked down, murmuring, "Sorry," and continued evaluating which of the burns looked the worst.

Logan picked up one of the cloths and dipped it into the second bowl of ice water, squeezing out the excess so it wouldn't drip down Remus' neck. Logan folded the cloth over once and looked at Remus again, still not quite meeting his eyes. "This may be uncomfortable."

Remus chuckled softly and smiled. "I can take it, Doc." Nodding one more time, Logan tenderly placed the cold cloth against Remus' cheekbone. Remus winced slightly but kept smiling. After dabbing at Remus' cheek, Logan repeated the process along his jaw, noting how the icy cold cloth made the skin on Remus' neck and chest raise in goose flesh. Logan then started to press the cloth against the side of Remus neck when he realized the man's collar was in the way. Remus noticed Logan's hesitation and reached up with his left hand to start undoing the buttons on his shirt. "Do you need me to -"

"NO!," Logan said a little too forcefully. He swallowed and adjusted his glasses, lowering his voice. "No, no that ... won't be necessary. You could become too chilled. Allow me to adjust the collar a bit," he said, folding down Remus' collar and tucking it under his heavy leather jacket. He looked back at Remus, "Is that alright?"

Remus grinned, "Very resourceful."

Fighting to ignore the heat in his cheeks from the small compliment, Logan refreshed the cloth with more ice water and pressed it carefully against the trail of red on Remus' neck. Logan noticed how the redness stopped abruptly where the collar of Remus' jacket ordinarily lay close to his neck. "It appears that your motorcycle jacket protected you from more widespread burns."

"Saving riders from road rash since 1928," Remus said, looking down at his jacket and chuckling. His eyes jumped over to meet Logan's. "Pretty and practical," he said, smiling.

Logan looked down, not answering, and gently pressed the cloth against Remus' cheekbone again. Studiously avoiding Remus' eyes, Logan noticed three small circular scars along the lower right edge of his bottom lip. Logan wondered if they were the remains of old piercings. They looked too evenly spaced to be from an injury. He was pleased to see that the burn along Remus' jaw was already fading and that it hadn't reached Remus' full mouth, where the sensitive skin would have led to a more painful burn. Logan noted with relief that the sparks managed to miss Remus' mustache, as well. Logan looked closely and noted that Remus used some sort of mustache wax. That could have made his facial hair extra flammable. Logan then saw that the smile on Remus' mouth was gradually broadening. He finally looked up and realized that Remus had been watching him stare at lips.

Remus gently cupped Logan's face with his left hand. His hand simultaneously felt burning hot and icy cold against his cheek. Logan swallowed, unable to move, eyes leaping away from where he was staring at Remus' mouth and up to his eyes. "I - I -" Logan began.

"May I kiss you?," Remus whispered, not breaking eye contact.

Logan opened his mouth to say yes, at the same time he felt something cold grip his chest. Logan suddenly rose to his feet, dropping the cloth and backing away, shaking his head. "I - I'm - I'm - I'm not -," he stuttered.

Remus' face fell and he immediately dropped his hand to his lap, opening his mouth to apologize when Patton's voice suddenly rang through the house. "Dad? I'm back! Hey, Dad, do you know whose bike is out here?"

Both men suddenly looked toward patio door as Logan cleared his throat and called back, "H-hey, Pat! We're out here!"

"We?," Patton was asking as he bounded out the door. "Remus!," he shouted happily at the first sight of green hair. Remus stood and Patton ran to tackle the man in a hug, laughing joyfully. "I didn't know you were coming over! Ooohhh ... Cool! You built a fire!" He turned to look at Logan, grabbing his arm and dancing in excitement. "Dad, Dad, can we all make s'mores?"

Logan started to nod while Remus used one of the cloths to dry the hand that had been soaking. He reached out and gently gripped Patton's shoulder, capturing his attention. Remus crouched down a bit so he was closer to eye level. "I ... actually need to head out, Patton. Can I join you next time?"

"You don't have - you - you are more than welcome to stay, Remus," Logan interjected, looking toward him but not meeting his eyes.

Remus stood and gave Logan a small smile. He bit his lip for a moment then pressed a large grin onto his face. "Nah, if I don't get back soon, Ro Bro will send out a search party."

Patton's own smile had shrunk. "You promise you'll come over another time for s'mores?," he asked, looking up at Remus.

Remus crouched down again, placing both hands on Patton's shoulders and looking him in the eyes. "Cthulu itself couldn't keep me away." He said solemnly. "I promise." Patton smiled again. Remus glanced up toward Logan and saw he was thoughtfully watching their interaction. "How about you walk me to the door," he said to Patton, standing one last time. "And I'll call your dad to set up a time?," saying the last part with his eyes trained on Logan. Logan nodded wordlessly.

The three went back into the house and Logan quietly pocketed the certified envelope and the letter as they walked past the coffee table. Patton and Remus were comparing notes on the best ways to make a s'more on their way to the front door.

Patton gave one more crushing hug to Remus as he was about to leave. Remus met Logan's eyes over the top of Patton's head. "See you later?," he murmured quietly.

Logan opened his mouth to speak but then closed it without a word. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. Remus turned, tousling Patton's hair and pulled out his bicycle, donning his helmet and switching on his lights. He carried the bike down the few steps to the ground. Patton called out one more goodbye and ran back into the house to gather marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate. Logan stood on the porch, watching Remus ride away.

"Fuck," he whispered quietly.


	7. All This Happened

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "All this happened, more or less."  
> \- Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five (1969)

Roman went downstairs for a drink - and maybe a little midnight snack. The light from the windows was dim, with that oddly colored glow that meant the snow hadn't yet melted. Roman walked into the kitchen and turned on the small light above the stove.

"Some of us were enjoying the dark, you know." Remus' voice rumbled from one end of the counter.

"Jesus Christ Superstar, Remus!" Roman had jumped a foot backwards, one hand gripping a drawer pull, the other pressed to his chest. "You scared the hell out of me! You're lucky I wasn't armed!"

"Sorry, Bro, next time I'll wear my glow-in-the-dark disco shoes." Remus muttered and gave half a shimmy as he retreated to the hallway.

"Wait, Re - what are you doing up?" Roman hadn't failed to notice how little _Remus-like_ his brother was acting. "You usually sleep like the dead." Remus turned around and looked at his brother for a moment and shrugged, looking down at this feet. Roman was quietly shaken by his brother's somber demeanor. "Ok, now you're actually scaring me, Bro. We've been talking for three minutes and you haven't made a single inappropriate comment yet." He stepped closer to his twin. "What's going on with you?"

Remus attempted a smile, took a deep breath and opened his mouth, ready with a quip. Instead he sighed, shoulders sagging, lips curled in a scowl of disgust. "I'm just tired."

Roman squinted at his brother for a long moment. "Magic water."

One side of Remus' mouth raised in a smirk. "'Magic water'?," he scoffed. "We're not four anymore, Ro."

Roman shook his head, smiling. "Doesn't matter. Magic water _always_ works. Miss Julie would pour us each a glass of water and we'd sit down at the snack table. Drink the water, talk, and by the time the glass was empty, you'd know what was wrong." Roman pulled two tall glasses from the cabinet, filled them to the brim with cold water, and placed them on the bar counter. "Magic water," he said firmly.

Remus stared at his brother for a moment. "Water can't hurt," he sighed.

They each sat down at the counter and gripped their water glasses. Roman watched Remus out of the corner of his eye, considering. _Time to poke the bear,_ he thought. "So ... Jan and I found a way to build out a ballroom below decks for the anniversary party on Saturday." He braced himself for the barrage of innuendo in five-four-three-two-

"That's sounds great, Ro." Roman nearly choked on his water.

"What, that's it? A **ball** room! You've got _nothing_ to say about that?" Roman reached out to feel his brother's forehead, "Are you ill?"

Remus swatted his hand away and drank his water. "I'm fine."

"Ooooh, I know what this is," Roman cooed.

"No, I really don't think you do."

"No, no, no I do, though ..." Roman grinned in a perfect impression of his twin, waggling his eyebrows and shimmying his shoulders. "My dear brother, the virile Mister Fahrenheit, spiritual muse to the the great Dan Savage himself ... you're in a _dry spell_."

Remus opened his mouth to protest but tilted his head in thought. _It's true it had been a while. But does his own brother think he's just that basic?_

"I can't believe you're actually that basic." Roman grinned, shaking his head.

"Stop that." Remus muttered. "You do things like that around Janus and he'll be convinced we have telepathy again." Roman grinned and shrugged.

"So ... do I get to play Tinder matchmaker?" Roman's voice raised a whole octave as he rubbed his hands together. Remus didn't protest. "Hmmm. let's see ... Oooo ... what about that guy from your work? You went out a couple times when you first moved back. Nikolai, right?"

Remus shrugged half-heartedly. "He was okay ... a nice guy."

"Nice?," Roman scoffed, " _Nice?_ That fella was So. Flippin'. Cute!"

"Aren't you married?" Remus retorted, a bit of fire returning to his eyes.

"Married, not dead." Roman took a sip of his water.

Remus rolled his eyes and raised his hands in mock surrender. "Sure, Nikolai's a hottie. We had ... fun." Remus crossed his arms across his chest. "He's not ... I don't know, he's just not ... " _... He's not Logan..._ an unwanted voice whispered inside his head. Remus shook his head and got up to refill his water glass.

Roman stared at Remus' back and narrowed his eyes, shaking his head in disbelief. "I've never seen you like this."

Remus turned around and scoffed, "What are you talking about, I've always been a horny bitch. It's sort of my brand." Remus waved a hand and flipped his hair back. Roman could still see the defensiveness in his twin's eyes and the tightness around his mouth.

Roman sighed and tilted his head at his brother, "Who exactly are you trying to fool here?"

"Not _everything_ is an epic melodrama, brother dear," Remus grinned with a dark smile that stopped before it reached his eyes.

"No," Roman said softly, shaking his head. "This _is_ something different. You're ...," Roman placed his hands over his heart, a growing smile on his face, "Aww ... you're _pining!_ " Remus frowned and slammed his glass down on the counter, turning toward the hallway and back to his room. Roman leapt from his chair to stop his brother from storming off. _Poke the bear and he might bite your head off_ , he reminded himself. "Wait, Re, wait, I'm sorry." Roman grabbed Remus' arm with one hand and gently turned his brother's face to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "Please, come sit down and talk to me."

Remus sighed with a scowl, but Roman could feel the muscles in his arm relax a bit. Remus nodded and walked back to the stools where they'd been sitting.

Roman sat quietly, watching Remus. Remus bit his lip, worrying it with his teeth. Finally, Roman spoke again. "So ... do you wanna tell me about him?"

Remus just looked at Roman, still biting at his own lips.

Roman tilted his head and scratched at his jaw. Neither twin was accustomed to these reversed roles. When they were young, it had always been Roman who was head-over-heels in love with a new guy every six months. It had always been Remus who would gently advise, scheme, console, and sometimes, plan revenge. Roman tried again, "Do I know him?"

Remus looked down at his hands and after several breaths, nodded once.

Roman frowned slightly, considering their mutual friend list. "Re, I don't get it. Who could _you_ possibly be so broken up about? You've got _my_ good looks and your ...," Roman raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at his brother, " _vigor_. Practically every man I know - and more than half the women - would take you up on an offer without a second's hesitation. The last time I saw anyone resist your _suggestions_ for longer than a week was - " Roman's eyes grew wide and his mouth hung open. "Oh ... Ohhh," more a breath than a word. " _Still?_ "

Remus licked his lips, still staring at his hands, his voice a brief whisper. "Still."

Roman slowly leaned back into his chair, mouth falling open slightly. He stared at his brother, narrowing his his eyes. This ... this explained _a lot._ This was also a side of Remus he'd never seen before. "I thought ... I just thought you had the hots for The Hottie." Remus raised an eyebrow and looked pointedly at at his brother's wedding ring. "Again, married, not dead. I have eyes." Roman looked thoughtful. "So all that ... flirting has been more than just ... _flirting_ for you."

Remus turned to look at nothing across the room, flipping his hair and fiddling with his sleeves. He chewed at the edge of his upper lip before nodding, finally muttering, "Don't sound so surprised, dear brother. Even Freddie Mercury had a heart to break."

The two sat in silence for a several minutes. "Bro ... you gotta talk to him." Roman sighed at last, reaching for his brother's hand. "You know ... " Roman twisted his mouth before letting out another little sigh. "I used to get the sense from him that maybe he ... that maybe this isn't as one-sided as you think."

"It's not that simple." Remus said softly, shaking his head. He paused, running a hand over his mouth, tugging at his mustache, shifting in his seat. "Logan is - ," Remus sighed again, dragging his hands through his hair. "He's not ... He's ..."

"A closet case?" Roman quipped.

Wincing, Remus opened his mouth to protest Roman's choice of words but gave up with another sigh. "There's gotta be a better way to phrase that, Ro." Roman sort of shrugged.

"Does he know how _you_ feel about him?" Roman asked. "I mean, _really know_? Have you told him how much you care-"

"I _love_ him," Remus whispered fiercely. Roman sucked in a breath of surprise. Remus had surprised himself with the admission, as well.

Roman locked eyes with his brother, grasping his hands. "Have you told him that you love him?"

Remus thought about the day of the bonfire and how his heart nearly burst out of his chest when Logan greeted him at the door. He thought about how he'd very nearly told Logan the real reason why he'd suddenly turned up on his doorstep. About how he'd planned out how to say it during the entire bike ride over the bridge. And about how he'd chickened out at the very last second.

"No."

"You gotta tell him, Re. Listen, Logan's a good man. ... And there might be more to his feelings for you than either of you realize." Remus looked up, meeting Roman's eyes, seeking to gauge how much was mere encouragement and how much was truth. "But even if ..., " Roman pressed his lips together for a moment, not wanting to put words to what came after the "if". "He's not just going to cut you out of his life. Romantic or not, you mean far too much to him to do that."

Remus sighed and nodded briefly. "I'll think about it."

"I expect you to do more than just think about it." Roman said mock-sternly. "But not tonight," he said, getting to his feet and encouraging Remus to do the same. "Even Princes like us need our beauty sleep. Go get some rest, Re." Roman wrapped one arm around his brother and let out a surprised huff when Remus suddenly pulled him in for a full hug.

"Thanks, Ro," Remus whispered, then turned and returned to bed.


	8. The Past is a Foreign Country

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: homophobic microagression from a parent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there."  
> \- L.P. Harley, The Go-Between (1953)  
>   
> 

It was early morning, and Logan came downstairs and saw that all three boys were already up. The remains of breakfast cereal were scattered on the counter in front of them. He checked the wall calendar for the little mark Virgil would make on the day's square to let his dad know that he'd taken that morning's medication. Logan added his own mark as he took his. Logan smiled, grateful for Remus' suggestion a few months ago. It had proven to be an effective way to help each other - and themselves - remember to take their prescriptions without being overbearing.

The boys were all huddled around Virgil's phone, watching a video. Logan smiled again. It felt so good to see his sons enjoying each other's company. He had a twinge of nostalgia, remembering different times that he'd seen them in such similar poses in the past, all gathered around a game or a video or a book, basking in each other's presence and a shared passion - even if in the past Patton was at times just along for the ride. Logan was so wrapped up in reminiscing that at first he thought he was only imagining the music and cartoony-voice coming from the phone's speaker.

_"... Yes, I love every letter, yes I love every one ... Every single letter is unique and don't forget ... "_

"May I ask what you are watching?" He thought he caught a flash of an animated furry blue dog. "Is that ... Blue's Clues?" Logan attempted to keep his voice light - he didn't want to shame them if they'd all decided to reminisce themselves. With Remy about to move on to grad school and Virgil starting at Western next school year, they were all feeling ... a lot of things. He couldn't quite keep the surprise from his voice, though. His surprise deepened when Remy looked up at him, nodding, eyes shining.

"Dad, you've gotta see this." Logan smiled, a bit of confused, but leaned over as Virgil grinned and replayed the video.

Logan watched as the words [Blue's Clues ABC Song](https://youtu.be/ezEdMZhA5jk) scrolled across the screen and a bouncy tune began. He looked up at Remy, a question in his eyes. Remy grinned widely and said, "Just keep watching." Letters flew across the screen, all brightly decorated in the typical Blue's Clues style.

"Wha - were those pride colors?" Logan couldn't stop himself from asking.

Patton now grinned, "Just keep watching, Dad." Logan pressed his lips together and did as he was told. In a few moments, the letters of the alphabet flew by again and now he was sure. The letter P was striped in pride colors ... Logan grinned. _Way to go, Nickelodeon. One more subtle little nudge forward on the arc of progress. Adults watching this are unlikely to consciously notice, but kids will._ Logan started to turn, but Virgil reached for his arm, stopping him, and gestured to the screen with his chin. "Watch," he whispered.

_"N's a Nice Neighbor Nearby, O is Outstanding, One-of-a-Kind"_

_"And P is full of Pride!"_

The image of a cartoon rainbow pride flag surrounded with every other type of LGBTQIA+ pride flag Logan had ever seen danced on the screen for a few seconds while the music transitioned to the bridge of the song.

Logan's eyes filled with tears and he covered his mouth with his hand to prevent a loud sob from escaping. Remy turned to look at him, smiling. His eyes widened in surprise at the strength of his dad's reaction. "It's about time, huh?" Logan could only nod, crying and smiling behind his hand. Patton jumped down from his seat and wrapped his arms around his waist, squeezing hard. After a few minutes, Logan started to feel the tightness in his throat ease up enough to speak.

"That was ... remarkable," Logan finally said, removing his glasses to clean them. "Thank you, boys, for showing me."

...

Perhaps it was simply Logan who was feeling nostalgic. He'd retrieved a large storage tote from the garage in an effort to find older pictures from their law school days to blow up into a poster for Janus and Roman's anniversary party. He'd brought the tote upstairs to his room so he could keep everything organized as he searched the tote's contents.

Logan found himself awash in memories. He came across a UW yearbook from his freshman year and started leafing through the pages. He lingered on the club page for WashPIRG, the environmental group where he and Kelly had met and worked together early in their relationship. Swallowing hard against a lump in his throat, Logan was about to turn the page when he noticed one of the smaller pictures included the old chapter leader leaning over a table filled with pamphlets, buttons, and info sheets. "Greg," Logan whispered. He hadn't thought about him in, well, decades. He stared at the photo for a minute when he was suddenly hit by a flash of memory from the day he'd met Kelly.

_It was the during the UW Student Activities Fair on one of the early days of school. The Quad was dotted with tables representing every club and student organization. Logan walked down the rows, amazed at the variety of clubs. A large area was devoted to fraternities and sororities. Young men and women flocked to those rows, laughing and shouting. Logan walked past quickly, the entire area reminding him of the frantic, unsettling energy on the days of football games at his old high school. He walked further, noting a debate team and the Environmental Justice Law group. The throng continued to thin and Logan noticed a table a few yards away, covered in pamphlets and clipboards and buttons. A banner emblazoned with WashPIRG: Washington Public Interest Research Group was draped across the front of the table. Logan was walking toward the table when he caught the eye of the young man standing behind it. He was tall and thin, with sandy blonde hair and deep brown eyes. He wore two 'Hello my name is' name tag stickers, the first scrawled with 'Indigo. You killed my father, prepare to die.' The other simply said "Greg." Greg smiled at Logan as he approached the table._

_Logan blushed and his throat went dry as he opened his mouth to say hello. When words would not emerge, Logan adjusted his glasses and looked down at the table. He reached for one of the clipboards in front of him, looking for something to do with his hands. A young woman with blonde hair reached for the same clipboard. "I think you've got my clipboard there," she said, smiling coyly at Logan. "Why don't I go first ... and then you can write down my number?" Logan glanced up to see Greg turning to address another student who'd also stopped at the table. "My name's Kelly, by the way. And you are ... ?"_

_"My name is Logan. Logan Sanders." He held out his hand to shake hers. She narrowed her eyes a bit but kept smiling and held out her hand with the palm facing down for Logan to shake. Logan sent one more look in Greg's direction and turned back to Kelly, shaking her hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you, Kelly."_

Logan sat frozen on the edge of his bed. His eyes wide, mouth slack. _How could he have forgotten that? What was that about?_ Had he been ... _interested_ in Greg? Is that what had actually drawn him to the table? "No," Logan muttered to himself, shaking his head, pushing his glasses into place. _No. No, I am merely caught up in the yearbook pictures and remembering wrong._

_"Our Logan's not that way,"_ he hears in his mother's voice. She had passed away just a year after he'd met Kelly. He'd told his mother they were dating while visiting during that first Thanksgiving break home from college. His mother had cried when he asked to invite Kelly for a few days over the Christmas holiday. "Oh, thank God. I was so worried you didn't like girls ... " she whispered in his ear as she hugged him close.

Logan was brought back to the present by a quiet knock at the door and Virgil's voice, "Dad, are you ready to head over to Uncle Janus and Roman's?" He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Yes, certainly." he cleared his throat. "Thank you, Virgil - I will be right down."

...

A half-hour later, the Sanders arrived at Operation Anniversary Party. Virgil stopped in the hall, eyes trailing over the half-made centerpieces, stacks of tablecloths, tissue paper, gift bags, and rolls of ribbon. "Wow, did Party City throw up in here?" Patton looked over his shoulder and sidled past his stunned brother.

"This is all _so cool!_ What can I help with?," Patton asked with bright eyes.

"My savior!," Roman exclaimed as he threw the back of his hand against his forehead in a show of overwhelm. Patton giggled. Roman grinned and handed him a roll of yellow and red polka-dotted ribbon. "Here, you can start tying bows on the centerpiece baskets. I'll help you get started."

Janus smiled fondly at the pair, then approached Logan, reaching for the large envelope of photos they planned to review as candidates for the poster. He had two hours to decide before the poster shop's rush work deadline. "At the risk of hyperbole, I concur with Roman. You're a lifesaver, Lo, thanks."

"How else can we help?," Remy asked, looking around the chaotic room.

Janus followed his gaze over the ordinarily neat room and sighed deeply. "You are certainly spoiled for choice. Pick a spot and dig in."

"It looks like you need the most help with the centerpieces and gift bags." Remy turned to his dad, laughing. "I'll arm wrestle you for the gift bags."

Logan raised his hands and lowered his head in mock defeat, "Your Honor, my client pleads no contest! Roman, may I also assist you?" As Logan joined Roman and Patton at the dining table covered in tulle, ribbons, baskets, and flowers, Remus came bounding down the stairs.

"Do I hear the riotous voices of my four favorite people in the entire Universe?," he called out, grinning madly.

"Oh, thanks Re ... just ignore your loving brother and his husband, who so generously opened their doors to you ...," Roman huffed, sounding like it didn't take much effort to pretend to sound hurt.

"Ah, Bro, no offense," he said mussing Roman's hair to said brother's great distress. "You and Janus aren't _people."_ Remus grinned wickedly. "You're family."

"Hey, now I'm offended!," cried Patton, not at all joking. He turned toward Remus, "I'm not just 'people' to you, am I?"

Seeing the pained expression on his face, Remus quickly moved to Patton's side, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Pat, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. You're _all_ family to me." He looked down at the youngest Mini-Logan, meeting his eyes. "Would a hug help?" Patton nodded. "A liiiittle hug," Remus made tiny arm motions close to his sides, "or a biiiiig hug?"

Patton grinned. "A big hug." Remus whooped and wrapped both arms tightly around Patton, lifting him off his feet. "Ok, ok, ok, you can put me down now!"

They both laughed and Remus looked Patton in the eyes again, asking, "Are we good?" Patton nodded and resumed tying bows onto the centerpiece baskets.

Remus looked up and saw that Logan had been watching them talk it out. He swallowed but met Logan's eyes, the silent question clear. _"Are we good?"_ Logan gave him a small smile and nodded slightly. Remus' grin grew.

"Um, how can I help?," Virgil called from the edge of the room.

"You, my friend, are just the person to help me with _my_ contribution to this shindig." Remus turned to Virgil, rubbing his hands together excitedly. "I hear you know your way around a sound board, and I _know_ you like music."

"Who doesn't?," Virgil muttered, flushing a little at the mention of his sound mixing skills.

"Ha! You'd be surprised at what _some_ people call music nowadays." He cast an exaggerated glance toward Roman and winked. Roman scoffed quietly but didn't interrupt. "I could use your help building a playlist of songs from the year these two were married." Remus looked hopefully at Virgil. "Interested?"

Virgil looked around the room, feigning apathy. "Sure, why not?"

"Excellent! It is a top-secret project ... Janus and Ro Bro aren't allowed to hear what's going to play. This way!," Remus called, snatching up his laptop from the coffee table and leading Virgil toward the kitchen.

"Oh, and Remus, if I heard one note from _My Heart Will Go On_ , you're uninvited to our tenth anniversary party!," Roman warned. "It's not even _from_ 2012\. Most importantly, referencing the Titanic on a ship is worse luck than whistling in a theatre _during_ the Scottish play.

Remus held a hand to his heart, winking at Virgil. "Roman, I am shocked that you would even think that I would even consider playing that downer of a song at your party." He laughed at Roman's expression, clearly torn between stern and relieved. "Besides, don't you ever go on Reddit? There's an early edit of the film where Jack was transmasc. If you reconsider, including it would be great representation." Roman scowled darkly at Remus. "Ok, fine. Have it your way. Only happy love songs. So I guess Adele is out, too?"

Janus and Roman answered in unison, "NO ADELE!"

"Gotcha." Remus gave Virgil a conspiratorial look. "B Side all _Gangnam Style_ is fine with you two? Ok great, byeee!" Remus and Virgil turned to leave.

Janus called after them, "Oh, and please remember that there will be young teenagers in attendance! Try to keep the ... " he waved his hand vaguely.

"Sex, drugs, and rock and roll?," Remus asked with a shoulder shimmy.

Janus scowled. "Sure. Keep the sex, drugs, and rock and roll to a minimum, please."

"Gawd, Moooom, why do you have to be such a buzzkill ... " Remus and Virgil laughed as they retreated to the kitchen, closing the shutters over the counter facing out to the living room.

Janus looked at Logan, his eyebrows knit together and lips tight. "Virgil _will_ be mindful of -," he cast a glance toward Patton, " _younger_ guests, right?"

Logan chuckled. "Virgil can be quite the protective older brother. He'll be mindful," he said, nodding. Logan paused, eyes trained on the now-obscured kitchen. "I actually suspect Remus will be, as well." Janus nodded slowly, eyeing his friend.

...

"Logan, would you mind giving me a hand bringing all of this to the car?" Janus' voice broke him from his focus on the centerpieces and he quickly rose to join him in the hallway.

"Of course, Janus." The two wrangled boxes of completed centerpieces and started toward Janus' car in the driveway. As they walked, Logan spoke softly to Janus. "If you are attempting check on me, I am fine."

Janus froze for a half second before responding in an overly casual voice, "What makes you think I'm checking on you?"

Logan turned to fix his best friend with a stare - and a grateful smile. "There is a bubble of nostalgia forming in you house right now, centered on a particularly difficult time in my mar- in my life." Logan shrugged, "That, and the box you're carrying only contains bubble wrap and therefore you could have easily managed all of this without my assistance." Janus chuckled as he unlocked the trunk and they piled in the boxes.

"Failed attempt at subtlety aside, how _are_ you doing, really?," Janus asked once they'd finished, leaning against the now-closed and very full trunk. "You seem ... subdued."

Logan sighed heavily. He opened his mouth, considering telling Janus about the picture in the yearbook and the unexpected - false? - memory it triggered. Instead, he shrugged, shaking his head. "I feel fine, I suppose."

Janus straightened a bit and looked closely at his friend. "That sounds too much like 2012 Logan hiding what's really going on for me to accept that. Is there something you need to tell me?"

"No, really, I _am_ actually fine. I suppose going through old pictures brought up some," Logan cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses, "old emotions. But I am coping without incident." He met Janus' eyes in an attempt to reassure him. "You need not worry." Logan turned back to look toward Janus and Roman's house. "We should head back in and gather another load. Do you think Roman's car has room?"

Certain there was more that he wasn't sharing, but equally confident that Logan had said all he intended to on the subject for the moment, Janus nodded. "Yes, probably." He patted Logan's shoulder and followed him back into the house.

...

Virgil had noticed Remus staring where Logan and Janus had just walked past with the boxes bound for the car. Virgil watched Remus out of the corner of his eye for a few minutes. Finally, he murmured softly so as not to be overheard outside of the kitchen. "You really like my dad, don't you?" Remus turned to face him. "I mean ... you _really_ like him." he raised an eyebrow meaningfully.

Remus tilted his head at him, considering how much he should say. "You're pretty observant."

Virgil smirked with a tiny shake to his head. "Nah, man, you're just that obvious." Virgil chuckled at Remus' feigned outrage. "But I think you kinda hafta be. Dad'll notice tiny things - a missing spoon or a different kind of milk. Or that _infinitesimal_ scratch I got on the passenger side door," he said with an eye roll. "But he can be kinda oblivious to the big stuff sometimes." Scrunching his face in concentration, Virgil scrolled through his music app and found the song he was looking for. "Here, add this to the playlist." He shrugged with one shoulder. "It's not from 2012, but it's Dad's favorite song. Uncle Roman likes it a lot, too, so he shouldn't give you too much grief about adding it."

Remus looked closely at the phone and a smile bloomed on his face. _Of course that's Logan's favorite song,_ he thought. "Which version? The one from Trolls or the original?"

Virgil made a disgusted face, scoffing. "Original."

Remus nodded with a small smile. "Cyndi Lauper is iconic, after all. No school like the old school. "

Virgil rolled his eyes again but grinned at Remus. "Yeah, you're _both_ dorks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Link to the playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0HJrRVCk4XXfsO45hvpv2G?si=dbe7403de7e04a8e)Remus (and Virgil) are creating for Janus and Roman's anniversary party.
> 
> Of course, there just _might_ be an additional audience for this collection of songs, as well.


	9. Ships at a Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board."  
> \- Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937)  
>   
>   
>  **[Remus' playlist for the party is on Spotify.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0HJrRVCk4XXfsO45hvpv2G?si=07d1095edd82424f)**  
>   
> 

Logan closed his book and looked out at the snow-covered yard. After a few minutes, he stood and replaced the just-finished novel on the shelf and ran his fingers over the spines of the other books next to it, not really certain of what he was looking to read next. He took a step back and gazed across the bookcases in front of him. The books on the bottom shelf a few feet over drew his attention. He realized that one was out of order.

He walked over and crouched down, pulling out his copy of Remus' old programming book. His brow furrowed slightly, wondering why it was out of place. He paused for a moment, staring at the words on the cover before thumbing through the pages, remembering that he hadn't yet finished the dense technical text. Logan had been fascinated by the material. The book was filled with patterns for rendering games with detailed new "universes" that followed cohesive but unique physical laws. Logan had been completely out of his depth with portions of the material, but he'd enjoyed it - for more than just the obvious reasons. He was about to return the book to its proper spot when he noticed writing on the title page. Frowning, he flipped open the cover of the book all the way and read what had been written.

> _Lo,  
>  You are my Universe.  
>  ♡ Remus_

Logan half-sat and half-fell to the floor with a small thud. He stared at the words on the page, tears starting to form in his eyes, breath catching in his throat. Shaking, he closed the book and held it between his palms, bringing it up and resting his forehead against the spine. "Oh, my god, Remus ... "

He thought about the day of the bonfire last Fall when, after spending a roller coaster of a day together, Remus had asked to kiss him. He remembered the look on Remus' face after he'd backed away. After he'd shaken his head no. When he'd wanted to say _yes_. Logan dropped the book and it landed in his lap.

Logan had very nearly said yes.

Logan fell into his memories. He recalled his happiest moments over the past two years. Every single one was when he had been with his sons ... or with Remus. Many were when they were all together. Logan smiled as he thought about how, outside of Janus and Roman, Remus was the only adult he'd ever met who didn't try to shut down Patton's excitability within the first hour of meeting him. He could see that Remus had earned Remy's trust and respect, a hard-won gift. With a sharp pang in his chest, he thought about that dark time when Remus was the only person on the planet who could make Virgil crack a smile.

Logan also thought about all the nights the two of them had spent watching old Star Trek and Doctor Who episodes, laughing at the lousy effects and mimicking everyone's catch phrases. He thought about Remus' outrageous innuendos and his biting humor. He thought about the way Remus flipped his hair, and his strong hands, and the way his eyes had sparkled in the light of the bonfire. He thought about how Remus had been the rock he could cling to during the storms of Virgil's treatment ... and, frankly, his own.

And he thought about the sheer terror he'd felt when he feared that Remus had been seriously injured by the fire mishap, and the bone-deep relief when he saw that Remus would be fine.

"Oh my god," he whispered. Logan squeezed his eyes shut. "But, how can I lo- I'm not - ," Logan covered his face with his hands. His shoulders sank with a shuddering sigh.

"But I _can't_ be."

Logan swallowed against the lump in his throat and pulled out his phone. He texted Janus, "𝙲𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛?"

...

Janus had stood at Logan's front door for several minutes with no response to the multiple times he had rung the bell. He knew Logan was expecting him. He could see Logan's car in the driveway, so there was no question of whether he was home. Finally, Janus tried the doorknob. It was unlocked. "Logan?," he called out. Janus cautiously poked his head through the doorway, breathing deeply against his worry about his friend's unusual behavior.

"I'm in here, Janus," Logan's voice was flat but he didn't sound injured. Janus blew out a slow breath when he turned the corner into the dining area, where Logan sat, staring at his lap. Logan's hair was a wild crown, and, from where he stood, Janus could see some smudges on his glasses. A half-filled mug sat in front of him and his pajamas were wrinkled. It was 11:30 in the morning and Logan Sanders was ... _unkempt_. Janus swallowed back a comment and quietly set the usual bag from Downpour on the table, pulling up a chair to sit across from his best friend.

"Where is everyone?," Janus asked at last.

Logan looked up, mouth open slightly, looking a little surprised at the sudden question. He blinked as though trying to remember. "Remy's out with Emile ... researching apartments near the school." Logan's eyes focused and his voice grew just a bit stronger as he continued. "They plan to meet us at the party tonight. Remy was going to drop off Virgil and Patton at your house on the way to Emile's."

"So what are _you_ doing here?," Janus left eyebrow slightly raised. Logan looked down at his hands in his lap. "Hiding out?" Logan pressed his lips together and didn't speak. _Asked and answered,_ Janus thought.

Logan looked across the table and peered into Janus' eyes for a moment. He looked back down at his lap, jaw muscles working as he ground his teeth. Finally, "How did you know?," he asked quietly.

Janus frowned a bit at the ambiguous question. He had some idea of what Logan likely meant, but he wanted to be sure. "How did I know what, Lo?," he said gently.

Logan looked up at his closest friend. They had been friends nearly their entire adult lives but there were still a few things they didn't talk about. He sucked in a deep breath and asked quickly before he could reconsider, "How did you know you were _gay_?"

Janus was momentarily stunned by the question. That was not what Janus had expected him to say. He steepled his fingers together in front of him as looked at Logan carefully. He tilted his head a bit, finally saying, "Are you asking about me?," he paused for a moment, softening his tone even further. "Or are you asking about _you_?"

Logan squinted and twisted his mouth while he sat with Janus' question. Janus waited.

Wordlessly, Logan pulled out the book he'd been gripping under the table and placed it in front of them. Janus' confused furrow erased once he read the author's name. "So that's who the copy was really for," he muttered under his breath. Janus started silently counting months. "Lo ...," Janus sought out Logan's eyes. "How long have you felt this way?"

Logan delicately tapped Remus' name on the cover of the book, tracing the letters. He looked up and met Janus' eyes.

"I - I've really fucked up, Jan."

Janus placed a hand over Logan's. "I'm listening."

...

Logan sat nearly motionlessly and told Janus the entire story, including everything from the day of the bonfire. He told him how he had rejected Remus and how he'd just let him leave without talking about it, without even offering to drive him back across the lake. Logan told Janus how he'd avoided being alone with Remus ever since - and how he suspected that Remus was probably doing the same.

He told him how he'd found an inscription from Remus in the book and that he was ashamed to realize he wasn't even certain when he must have written it.

He even told Janus about his nightmare about Remus and Kelly from last year. "My very, very first thought, though, when I woke, " he paused, and it was clear to Janus that this was difficult for Logan to admit to himself, let alone say aloud. Logan swallowed, knowing the only way out of this was through it. "When I first woke ... I did not feel as though _Remus_ had supplanted me in some idyllic picture of a happy marriage." Logan paused, swallowing, squeezing his eyes shut. "I felt replaced by _Kelly_ in that vision."

Logan stopped talking but Janus could see by the tightness in his jaw and his stick-straight posture that there was something else he needed to say. Logan gripped his own hands on the tabletop, staring at his knuckles. "I ... feel something for Remus that I have never felt for _anyone_ else." Janus raised his eyebrows a bit at the emphasis Logan put on the word "anyone," but he didn't interrupt. "How can something like this even be possible?

Logan finishes his tale, looks up and sees Janus ... smiling?

"Are you ... laughing at me?"

"No, Lo, I'm not laughing at you." Janus leaned back in his chair, palms pressed together. "So you've finally noticed that Remus is a very attractive man." Logan looked up at the tone in Janus' voice. "Yes, of course I've noticed, as well." Janus looked meaningfully at Logan. "I _did_ chose to marry his nearly identical twin." Logan blushed a bit as he realized he'd never really considered that Remus and Roman shared the same features and physique. They were both so _different_ to him. "I digress. So you're feeling an attraction to Remus. [It's perfectly normal](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It%27s_Perfectly_Normal)." Janus struggled to keep a sarcastic tone out of his voice. "In fact," he said, waving a hand to gesture toward Logan's bookshelves, "I'm quite confident you have a copy of a book by that title that you might find helpful ... " Logan seemed to shrink in his seat a bit and Janus softened his voice. "Lo, you _can_ be attracted to both men and women. It's almost as though it's all ... a spectrum?," Janus spread his hands in an opening up gesture, just the hint of a rainbow shape.

Logan remained silent in his seat. Janus finally opened the bag from Downpour, sliding a cup across the table to Logan. Janus sipped at his own coffee for a few minutes, eyes trained on him.

There was still one more issue to address.

Janus put down his cup and folded his hands in front of him. "I once told you that you get one free lesson in _How Not to Be a Dick 101_." Logan looked up, eyes locked on Janus' face. _That got his attention_ , Janus thought. "Consider this one to be from the 200 series." Janus pierced Logan with his eyes and took a deep breath. "Your inability to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling is hurting a very dear man." Logan pulled off his glasses and squeezed his eyes closed, pressing his fingers against his brow, slouching in his seat. "Ultimately, it doesn't actually matter how you choose to describe who you are. What matters is how you choose to treat the people you care about." Janus looked carefully at Logan. "Do you care for Remus?"

"More than I ever thought could be possible." Janus was again a little surprised by his response. Logan pressed his lips together, replacing his glasses and looking down at his palms, tracing the scars on his left hand, remembering the heat of Remus' hand gripped in his own. "Jan, I think ... " Logan swallowed against the lump in his throat, chest tightening. "Jan ... I love him." He looked up at Janus with tears in his eyes. Logan slowly shook his head from side to side. "What am I going to do?"

Janus smiled. "You're going to go get your Prince, that's what you're going to do."

Logan let out a choked laugh. "A bit fairy tale, don't you think?"

Smiling, Janus shook his head and put his hands over Logan's. "It's _exactly_ like a fairy tale. Up you get and into a shower." Janus said as he stood and pulled Logan to his feet. "It's time to get you ready for the ball."

...

Logan was standing on the upper deck of the ship, helping direct guests, when he saw Remy and Emile walking up the gangway. [Music](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0HJrRVCk4XXfsO45hvpv2G?si=8533d83fb5654d11) from the dance floor below wafted through the air. He smiled as they approached him. Logan thought Emile looked nervous. Emile kept reaching into his pocket, fiddling with what Logan guessed was a fidget cube, and looking around the ship's deck as though he was looking for someone.

"Hello, Mr. Sanders," Emile said, his voice a little more strained than typical. "It's good to see you, sir. How are you doing this evening?"

"I'm doing very well, thank you, Emile. How are you?" Logan's smile grew as they fell into their familiar rhythm. Remy and Emile had been dating for over three years. Despite that, Emile had never really dropped his slightly formal speech pattern when speaking with Logan, and it was most noticeable when he seemed anxious. When Logan had mentioned his observation to Remy once last year, Remy had laughed and hugged his dad, saying that's what made Emile fit in so well with the family.

"Relieved that my fellowship came through," Emile admitted.

Logan smiled at the young man, resisting the temptation to point out that he appeared to have grown taller just since the summer so as not to embarrass him further. "It is so nice to see you again. It has been quite a while." Logan noticed Emile's eyes scanning the upper deck of the ship again. "Janus and Roman are below deck on the dance floor, if that is who you are looking for," Logan added.

Remy squeezed Emile's hand. "Babe, I need to help out for a while. Can I meet you on the dance floor in about fifteen minutes?" Emile's eyes widened a bit and he looked thoughtful, but nodded and kissed Remy's cheek.

"Of course," Emile murmured. "I'll see you then." Logan narrowed his eyes slightly. _Did Emile look relieved?_ As soon as Remy was out of sight, Emile grabbed Logan's arm and whispered, "May I speak with you, Mr. Sanders, before I need to get back to Rem?"

Logan's shoulders tightened for a brief moment until he registered the grin that had broken out over Emile's face. Looking around them and appearing satisfied that they were actually alone, Emile held a finger to his lips and reached into the pocket he'd been fidgeting with earlier. Logan couldn't help the tiny surprised squeak that escaped when he saw the small square box in Emile's hand.

"I wanted to tell you first, Mr. Sanders, that I'm going to ask Remy to marry me tonight."

...

The deck below had been decorated like a grand ballroom. The focal point of the room was the dance floor, already crowded with dancers, and the raised DJ platform, where Virgil held a headset to his ear with one hand and flipped through the upcoming track list with another. This would be the first time Logan would actually be able to see Virgil mix sound. In all the shows he'd been to before, the sound booth was tucked away in the back of the theatre, hidden from view. And most of that sound work had been merely following queues.

Looking around the rest of the room, Logan saw that all around the edges were nearly a dozen small banquet tables, draped in the light yellow tablecloths Logan and Janus had struggled to fit into the back of Roman's car. The tables were draped with red tulle bunting, with a centerpiece on each. What appeared to be thousands of tealights twinkled everywhere Logan's eyes landed.

Remus' voice sounded near Logan's ear. "Pretty amazing, isn't it?," Logan whipped his head around in surprise. He hadn't noticed Remus' approach. Remus looked around the room, gesturing at the finery. "Roman had one of his set designer friends bring in a little crew to help set this all up."

Logan's voice failed as he opened his mouth to agree. He nodded instead, adjusting his glasses and looking closely at Remus. Gone was the usual battered leather jacket and tight jeans. Instead, Remus wore a black tuxedo similar to the one Logan was wearing, except with a black waistcoat trimmed in the same green as his hair and a matching bow tie. The tie, however, was undone, draped over Remus' neck, framing the open collar of his shirt, where Remus had left the top three buttons undone. Logan swallowed dryly.

 _Starships_ started to play. One benefit of a playlist from 2012 was that even _Logan_ knew the song - and he knew it had more than its fair share of explicit lyrics. Logan peered at Remus, who feigned an innocent look. Logan caught Virgil's eye and gestured, waving a hand across his throat in a "cut it" signal at the same time Roman jumped up and down calling out "Turn it up!", dancing with a group of his theatre friends. Remus and Virgil both shrugged, then Virgil pulled over the keyboard for his sound kit and tugged on his monitoring headset. Logan watched, listening to the song. "I'm a blow off my money and don't give two ~~~~, oh-oh," Virgil looked up at Logan and gave him thumbs up before returning his attention to the music, ready for the next line.

Logan smiled, returning the thumbs-up. He looked around and realized Remus was no longer standing near him. He gazed across the dance floor but couldn't spot him in the press of bodies. Logan stood at the edge of the dance floor and listened to the music for a bit before he turned around and finally noticed Remus off in a corner. Remus was surrounded by Patton and most of the younger guests, animatedly waving his arms around while pointing to some feature of the ship, apparently miming an explosion. His antics had captured the attention of the little group and they appeared to be thoroughly distracted from the potentially explicit lyrics. Remus noticed that Logan was watching them, winked, then returned his attention to Patton and the others.

When the next song started - and it had become clear that Virgil would be able to reliably slip reverse through any swear words, Remus made his way back to where Logan was standing. They looked out over the dance floor.

Remus gently elbowed Logan's side, sounding mockingly shocked: "Janus is _dancing_ to this one? He seems entirely too .. _suave_ to dance to LMFAO. I haven't seen him dance to actual club music since ...," Remus trailed off, whether to calculate the years or something else.

"He is surprisingly free-spirited when placed in the proper environment." Logan said, watching Janus and Roman dance together. "And he would do anything to make Roman smile."

Remus smiled sadly, swaying a bit to the music. Finally, he leaned closer to Logan, and opened his mouth to speak. Logan, still watching Janus and Roman, spoke first. "You know, they very nearly didn't get married back then."

"No, I ... I actually didn't know that." Logan glanced at Remus in surprise, then quickly looked away to prevent himself from staring. "Cold feet?," Remus asked.

Logan nodded, "He was absolutely terrified. Afraid of one day just losing his love, afraid of falling out of love with him, afraid of infidelity ... truly and utterly afraid of everything that could go wrong."

"They're so happy now that it's hard to imagine." Remus is a little shaken at the thought of how close his brother and Janus came to not making it. _If even they struggled ... _He pushed the thought away. "I'm glad my brother was able to convince Janus to go for it."

Logan turned to face Remus completely, shaking his head. "You misunderstand. Janus was not at all reluctant to get married. _Roman_ was."

The moment the words left his mouth, _Some Nights_ started to play and the dance floor erupted in singing. At the center, they could see Roman had leapt up onto a chair, leading and singing along. After the introduction, he jumped down and Logan could see that his friends from the cabaret spread throughout the crowd, clapping and stomping and encouraging other guests to join in. Logan thought it looked nearly choreographed - and knowing Roman, it very well may have been. He wouldn't put it past him to find a way to sneak a look at the playlist before the party. Logan and Remus watched the spectacle and even sang along to the parts they knew.

Janus and Roman danced and sang together, drawing close to one another for the slower moments in the song. Janus spotted Remy in the crowd slowly swaying with Emile, as the lyrics rang out, _"_ . _.. and when I look into my nephew's eyes, man you won't believe the most amazing things that can come from some most terrible lies ..._ "

Roman watched Janus closely, seeing a few tears spill. He brushed his fingers against Janus' cheek, smiling and gently drying the tears away. "Oh, Sweetheart ... " He looked into Janus' eyes and saw something that made his smile grow. "You really are ready, aren't you?" Janus grinned and spun Roman around in response.

Pulling him close again, and as the music and singing grew louder, Roman murmured in Janus' ear, "You're going to be a great dad."

...

The music played on.

As the last bars of _Titanium_ ended, a very familiar synth rhythm and pounding piano notes began. Logan looked at Remus, laughing. "This song is from 1983."

"Yeah," Remus shrugged as he watched his brother excitedly recognize the opening bars. "But it's Ro Bro's favorite." He nodded at the dance floor which had erupted in small groups dancing and singing. "It seems like a popular choice." Suddenly, Logan and Remus were surrounded by Remy, Emile, and Patton and pulled into the crowd.

"We're not going to let you just stand there all night!," Patton shouted, laughing. "Come and dance!" The group danced together for several songs, playfully grouping together, shifting, and turning to dance with other friends in the crowd. From time to time, Logan and Remus found themselves face to face, broken off from the rest of the group.

As the music continued, Remus looked up and caught Virgil's eye, who sent him a little two-fingered salute. Remus saluted back and listened as the music shifted to a low, deep rhythm. Rhianna's voice emerged from the speakers, wrapping the dancers in sound.

_... I know you've been hurt by some else, I can tell by the way you carry yourself ..._

Their eyes met and Logan could feel a flush running up his neck and face. The music was thrumming a deep bass through their bodies.

_... If you let me, here's what I'll do, I'll take care of you. I've loved and I've lost ..._

As the lyrics swirled over them, Logan watched as Remus' expression fell, eyes turning glossy. Remus looked just as he did the night of the bonfire. _Loved and lost ... am I too late?,_ Logan thought as a lump grew in his throat.

At that moment, the crowd shifted and another group slipped between Logan and Remus. Someone Logan recognized from QLaw - _Pedro?_ he wondered automatically - took the opportunity to start dancing with Remus. Logan edged away from the crowd, watching them dance. Remus turned to try and catch Logan's eye, who pressed a smile onto his face and waved at Remus in a "go on, have fun," motion. Remus, expression inscrutable, swallowed back a response and faced his new dance partner again.

_... I've asked about you and they've told me things ..._

As the song played, Logan tried not to stare at the pair. Instead, he methodically shifted his gaze from watching Remy and Emile, and Janus and Roman dancing, Virgil at the sound board, and Patton, who had resumed exploring the room with a little collection of kids around his age. Only then would he allow himself a quick look back to Remus and Pedro. Once, Logan looked over and saw that Remus had been watching him, as well. Logan quickly looked away and moved further from the dance floor.

_... If you let me, here's what I'll do, I'll take care of you. I've loved and I've lost ..._

Remus leaned in closer to Pedro, "I need to go check on my friend." He flashed a quick, small smile. "Thanks for the dance." Pedro watched him edge through the crowd for a moment, shrugged and turned to dance with someone else.

Remus scanned the room, looking for Logan, as the music shifted again. His eyes passed over Virgil, who gestured with his chin toward the staircase to the upper deck, where he caught a glimpse of Logan's retreat. Virgil mouthed, "GO!," at Remus, who quickly followed after Logan.

...

"Well, hello there. _Come here often?,_ " Remus had finally caught sight of Logan on the starboard side of the ship, leaning on the railing, looking at the water below. He waggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly, poking fun at the overused line. He made a show of sliding along the deck, easing closer to him, giving Logan plenty of time to step away, or turn around, _or leave again ..._ , an awful voice in Remus' head intoned. Logan turned to watch Remus approach. A small smile spread on his face and he didn't move from his spot.

Logan chuckled a bit and then took in a deep breath. "I just needed some air."

Remus nodded as though he accepted Logan's response. He then turned around and leaned his back against the railing, his gaze moving along the length of the ship. A bright smile suddenly spread on his face as he nudged Logan with his elbow. "Don't look now," Remus said in a low voice, "And of course by that I mean, quick, turn around and look _right now_ ..." Logan knit his brows together and turned to follow Remus' gaze toward the other end of the ship. Logan turned in just enough time to see Emile on one knee, handing something small to Remy, who quickly pulled him in for a tight hug. "I think you're about to be a father-in-law, Lo."

Face split in a huge grin, Logan chuckled, whispering back to Remus, "Just wait ..." At that moment Remy pulled away from the hug and reached into _his_ pocket to pull out a similarly-sized box. Remus turned to Logan, eyes dancing. "How did you -," he started to ask.

"Remy told me last month that he was planning on asking Emile to marry him tonight," Logan spoke softly, not trusting how far their voices would carry. "And, about an hour ago, Emile told me that he'd planned to do the same."

"Keeper of keys and _secrets_ , at Hogwarts, I see."

Logan shrugged happily and the two fell back into silence, hearing the music from below. Logan pulled off his glasses to polish the lenses and then replaced them, while Remus tried to concentrate on the slow shifting of the deck, listening to the water gently lapping at the side of the ship.

Suddenly Logan spoke, turning to face him. "I found the inscription you wrote in your book." Remus held his breath and he bit at the inside of his cheek. Logan swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I am so very sorry, Remus. I - " He licked his lips and looked down at his feet. Remus felt his stomach sink as his mind finished Logan's sentence for him. _I am sorry but you must know that I just do not feel that way about you ..._

Gathering his courage, Logan reached out and cupped Remus' cheek, consciously mirroring that wonderful, awful night. He held Remus' eyes in his own, afraid if he didn't, he would never actually say this. "I treated you horribly that night all because I was afraid to admit - " Remus' eyes had widened when Logan's fingers touched his face and now were bright and tear-filled. "I was too _hung up_ to be able to admit that ... I ... have developed feelings for you, as well." Logan lowered his hand and closed his eyes, bowing his head, ashamed of everything he'd put this man through. "I am so, so sorry. I ... I ... it appears that I have acknowledged my feelings too late and have squandered this opportunity with you." Logan swallowed hard and squared his shoulders. "I also recognize this apology is likely in no way commensurate with the pain I have caused you. I know I do not have the right to ask, but I hope that you can forgive me someday."

Logan turned to walk away as the music faded between songs.

Remus stood in stunned silence for a few moments until he heard [quiet guitar music](https://open.spotify.com/track/53QF56cjZA9RTuuMZDrSA6?si=5cbb957da4f54086) wafting up from the dance floor below decks. He quickly stepped forward, reaching for Logan's hand, and smiled. "May I have this dance?"

Logan looked at him in surprise but nodded. Remus pulled Logan into his arms, swaying slowly to the beat of the song. Part-way through the first verse, Remus started to sing, his voice a little rough with tears.

_And just like them old stars  
I see that you've come so far  
To be right where you are  
How old is your soul?_

A tiny sob escaped Logan's lips and he tucked his head in the crook of Remus' neck to hide his face. Remus kept one arm around Logan's waist, and brought his other hand to the back of Logan's head, gently carding fingers through his hair, swaying to the music.

_Well, I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_

_And when you're needing your space  
To do some navigating  
I'll be here patiently waiting  
To see what you find  
_

Logan raised his head to face Remus. "I don't yet have all of this figured out. Are you certain ... " His voice trailed, unsure what he was asking of him.

Still dancing, Remus looked into Logan's eyes. "Lo, my whole life everyone's said that all I needed was to meet the right person and ... grow up. Soften my sharp edges." He smiled, fingers brushing Logan's hair from his face. Logan shuddered briefly, overwhelmed, but then leaned in to his hand, closing his eyes. Remus' smile grew. "But I call bullshit." Logan's eyes snapped open at his words. "I'm standing here with the right person here in my arms and all I want to do is fight harder. Love hasn't made me soft. It's made me _tougher_." Remus paused. "Love has given me someone to fight for."

At the bridge of the song, Remus suddenly spun Logan in a twirl and continued singing along.

_And in the end, you're still my friend, at least we did intend  
For us to work, we didn't break, we didn't burn  
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in  
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not  
And who I am _

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up  
_

Logan was now grinning, both at the suddenness of the twirl, which he now reversed so he could twirl Remus, and with hope for what lay ahead for the two of them together.

_Well, I won't give up on us  
God knows I'm tough enough  
We got a lot to learn  
God knows we're worth it (And we're worth it)_

As the music slowed again, they each drew the other nearer to close the distance between them.

_I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_

They stilled as the song ended, but didn't move away from each other's arms. Logan's eyes met his. "Remus, I - " his voice broke. Remus nodded slowly in encouragement, gently placing one hand on the side of Logan's neck, tracing his jaw with a thumb. Logan swallowed and tried again. "Remus ... I believe I love you."

A watery smile slowly spread across Remus' features. "Oh, Lo," he whispered as if he feared to speak any louder lest he break some spell. He brushed his fingers against Logan's cheek. Holding his breath for a few seconds, at last he asked, "Lo, my love, may I kiss you?" Logan grinned and nodded, thrilled to have a second chance to answer the way he really wanted. He brought both hands to Remus' face and joined him in a long, soft kiss.

After a few minutes, footsteps approached and Patton's voice suddenly sounded from behind Remus, "Hey, Remus ... Have you seen Dad around?"

Remus turned toward Patton, revealing a blushing Logan, one hand still cupping Remus' cheek. "Pat -," Logan began. Patton's stared for a moment and then his face bloomed in a wide smile.

"Well it's about time!" He turned with a little wave, dashing back to the lower deck and shouted in the direction of the staircase. "Oh, Vir-gil ... " he called out is a sing-song taunt. "You owe me ten bucks!"

Logan couldn't decide if he should die or cry or laugh. Remus smiled, again running a hand through Logan's hair. He grinned a little wider as he realized that he couldn't keep his hands away from those dark locks.

Logan opened his mouth, brows knit in confusion. "Wait just one moment," Logan bit hit lip in thought. He took a breath, pointing toward where Patton had stood. "Did Patton just say 'it's about time!' ?" Remus nodded, suppressing a chuckle, green eyes dancing. Logan took another breath, shaking his head slightly. "Did _everyone_ know but me?"

Remus can't control his laughter. He nodded, fingers still entwined in Logan's hair, murmuring, "Pretty much, Lo."

He took a moment to process this. "I should ... I should probably get back down there," Logan said at last.

"Oh, Lo-Lo," Remus practically growled, pulling Logan closer, hands gently dragging down from his neck to his back. "Please don't go ... not yet." Remus smiled down at Logan with love laced with promise ... and _heat._

Logan flushed and smiled as he met Remus' eyes. He then knew with complete certainty that he was right where he needed to be. His eyes matched the heat in Remus' as he whispered, "Where were we, then, Love?"

Closing his eyes, Logan leaned forward to kiss his Prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After giving Logan and Remus a bit of privacy for a few songs, Patton finally managed to convince the new couple to come back down to the dance floor and join the rest of the party. They danced together all night.
> 
> But wait - the music is still playing ...
> 
> Logan and Remus swayed together on the dance floor as the opening notes to [the last song of the night](https://open.spotify.com/track/2A6yzRGMgSQCUapR2ptm6A?si=98fd405728834c85) warbled through the air. Logan closed his eyes for a moment, a look of peace falling over his features as he breathed in deeply. He looked up at Remus, murmuring, "This is my favorite song," then rested his head again on Remus' shoulder.
> 
> Remus smiled and hummed, "I know. Virgil told me." He could feel Logan chuckle in response against his neck. They danced together, listening to the first verses of the song. Remus thought about the winding path that had led them to that moment, Logan in his arms, a deep contentment washing over them both. A thought suddenly bubbles to the surface of his mind. 
> 
> "There's something I'm still wondering about," Remus murmured into Logan's hair.
> 
> "Hmmm...," Logan hummed in response. "What is that?"
> 
> "How did you get a copy of my book? It's been out of print for five years."
> 
> "Oh, right." Logan blushed and tucked his head back into the crook of Remus' neck.
> 
> Soft laughter rumbled in Remus' chest. "That's not an answer, Lo."
> 
> He sighed, looking up at Remus with ... _Was that embarrassment?_ "I asked Roman to help me obtain a copy of your book," Logan admitted at last. "He happened to have an extra."
> 
> Remus looked over to where Roman and Janus were slowly dancing together and smiled. " 'Extra' plus 'Roman' in the same sentence, that checks out," Remus laughed, shaking his head. "It's funny he didn't mention that to me."
> 
> "That ... is likely because I told him it was a surprise for Remy and asked him not to bring it up."
> 
> Remus hummed, accepting his answer for the moment. "But wait - how did you know ... Did you _Google_ me? I don't remember telling you about that book. It's kind of niche and ..."
> 
> "And you would never bring it up yourself because your hyper-sexualized flamboyancy and braggadocios are sometimes just an act? And beneath it you're actually quite humble?" Logan interjected, grinning up at him. Remus was shocked into momentary silence, staring down into his eyes.
> 
> Logan leaned in and gently kissed the surprised expression from Remus' face, replacing it with a soft smile. "You're not the only one who can see inside the man he loves more clearly than his love sees himself."


End file.
